Sundown
by Bananna18
Summary: Leah finally comes crashing down. Seeing only one way out she tries to end it all. Can anyone save her? Or is it already too late. Set before Breaking Dawn & Jacob never imprints on Nessie. Blackwater. Suicide. Angst. Self-Harm .
1. Stand In The Rain: Superchick

_Nessie's imprinting never happened..._

"**She's all alone, feels like it's all coming down..." Stand In The Rain - Superchick**

**Leah POV**

Slowly making my way inside, careful not to cry; I drop my bag by the door and drag myself into the bathroom. Cautious not to make any loud noises and risk disturbing anyone, I close the door and, leaning against it, slide down onto the floor, collapsing in a heap at the bottom.

When did it all become such a mess? Sam. Emily. Dad. Jacob and that stupid leech-lover. My life just suddenly seemed to spiral out of control. Is it fair? Sometimes I don't think that word should ever exist. It certainly doesn't in my life. And now it's all too much, I can't go on any more, struggling and coping and waiting for the next tragedy to hit, to send me running back into myself.

I lift my arm and wipe it slowly across my face. Drying the tears that never cease to run, that nobody ever seems to see. Reaching out blindly I grasp hold of the sink and pull myself up. I quickly locate the object of my desire. My razor. The sharp blade that holds all the answers and promises. The only thing that keeps me going.

I wonder what Sam and the others would think if they could see me now, see what they've done to me. If they could hear my thoughts, the ones I've spent so long hiding from the others. My body too quick to heal for them to ever notice otherwise. They wouldn't understand. They wouldn't. Not the intense desire I feel, the need, the power, the utter hopelessness to try and resist. Futile, it won't work. Besides, it not as if they'd ever listen intentionally now anyway, they've all learnt better than to pry inside my brain.

I push up my sleeve and stare at the blank, clean slate that is my arm. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times I do this to myself, a mark is never left.

What would happen, if one day I pushed a little deeper, hitting a vein, and artery. Would I bleed out? Or would I heal far too quickly anyone to notice, leaving nothing but a mess that I'd have to clean up and hide.

I lift the razor to my wrist. Like a surgeon my cuts are precise, accurate. I know what I'm doing. I've done this far too many times to count now. Dragging the knife back across my wrist, I hiss at the fresh sting of pain. It feels so good, much better than I was expecting, even after my crappy day. Raising the knife again I push it deeper into my wrist this time. _End it. End it now before you back out. _Slicing through a major artery my head quickly begins to spin. There's no way I can survive this surely? Raising the knife again I pull it sharply and deeply across my other wrist.

I briefly wonder what they'll think when they find me Will they feel pity? Remorse? Sorrow? Doubtful. The dots in front of my eyes begin t blur together as the rushing in my ears starts roaring and bubbling over. My last thought is of my brother Seth.

And then I close my eyes, as the door suddenly splinters into thousands of pieces.


	2. Never Too Late: 3 Days Grace

_Raising the knife again I push it deeper into my wrist this time. End it. End it now before you back out. Slicing through a major artery my head quickly begins to spin. There's no way I can survive this surely? Raising the knife again I pull it sharply and deeply across my other wrist. _

_I briefly wonder what they'll think when they find me Will they feel pity? Remorse? Sorrow? Doubtful. The dots in front of my eyes begin t blur together as the rushing in my ears starts roaring and bubbling over. My last thought is of my brother Seth._

_And then I close my eyes, as the door suddenly splinters into thousands of pieces. _

"**It's not too late. It's never too late. Even if say, it'll be alright, still I here you say, you want to end your life." Never Too Late – Three Days Grace**

**Alice POV**

Panic fills my veins, as much as it can for a vampire whose heart has long stopped beating. I can hear Carlisle as he runs behind me, following me with an urgency that shows him to be above petty inter-species rivalries. The vision appears before my eyes again as I remember the reason we're running in such a hurry, even for us.

_I'm in the middle of a forest. Candles and flowers decorate a small clearing. There are patches in my vision and I'm unable to see. Confused, I realise this must be about the wolves, as I can't ever see them. Suddenly I turn and see Bella; she's crying and looking towards the middle of the clearing. I turn for a better look and I can see a coffin. Oh no, please, not one of ours. Suddenly I realise, the wolves. It's not one of ours, it's one of theirs. Who? I can hear Bella behind me, I turn and I can see her talking to someone, someone I can't see, probably Jacob. "I'm so sorry" she says, "I had no idea that Leah was so unhappy, she was so helpful against the Volturi"..._

I know we're crossing boundaries but this doesn't matter. Her life, any life, is more important that treaties and grudges, they'll forgive us. We need to get to her in time. Hopefully it hasn't happened yet, we would have heard. If she's safe when we get there we'll tell the others what she was planning. They'll stop her.

I can see her house now, and as I approach I can hear growling and I know that the wolves have caught on. Good. They can come and see what they've done to her. They abandoned her. We would never do that to one of our own.

Bursting through the door I follow her scent. I can smell blood, lots of it, but it doesn't appeal to me, not in the same way as proper human blood. Smashing my way through the bathroom door, shattering it into thousands of pieces, I see her, lifeless, in a puddle of her own blood, both of her hands practically severed.

Carlisle is calm and collected. Dropping his medical bag, he quickly grabs two towels and wraps them around her wrist. She'll heal. Carlisle is a good doctor. I reach for his bag and grab and IV and saline drip. I know him well enough to know that this is the first thing he'll do.

I hear gasps and I look up. In the doorway are the wolves. At the front Jacob, Sam and Seth are all standing there horrified. I don't know who gasped.

"I'm sorry for trespassing on your land" I whisper calmly, "but we had to save her, we couldn't let her do this to herself."

I see Sam look down, guilty. He blames himself for this. He should do I guess, but in a way it's not really his fault. Seth looks broken, another family member clinging to life and losing the battle, I don't think he can stand another funeral, I wonder whether Leah's death would have driven him over the edge too, and their mother...

Jacob surprises me. He pushes past me and crouches down besides Leah, softly stroking her hair.

"We'll look after her now," he says to us, but mostly reassuring himself. "We take care of our own." I want to laugh with the irony but I can see that he's serious. They won't let her do this again. They'll protect her now.

Carlisle leans back. He's stitched her arms back together since we've been talking. Like a miracle worker. I look at Leah and I can see the wounds already beginning to mend. They can take over from here now. She's no longer in any danger.


	3. You Found Me: Kelly ClarksonThe Fray

_Jacob surprises me. He pushes past me and crouches down besides Leah, softly stroking her hair. _

"_We'll look after her now," he says to us, but mostly reassuring himself. "We take care of our own." I want to laugh with the irony but I can see that he's serious. They won't let her do this again. They'll protect her now. _

"**You found me, when no one else was looking." You Found Me – Kelly Clarkson.**

"**You found me, you found me, lying on the floor." You Found Me - The Fray.**

**Jacob POV**

When I first smelt the blood-suckers on our land my only thoughts were concern for the young ones and anger at the leeches for breaking the treaty so cruelly. But when I saw Leah it all disappeared and I suddenly realised what we'd driven her to. We should have been there for her, protected her, but after Sam none of us actually helped her, we just saw the bitter shell she'd become and resented her. We should have seen this. We can all read each other's thoughts after all. Either she's _really_ good at hiding her thoughts or we've spent too long ignoring her.

I watch her now, resting. She still hasn't regained consciousness, and I'm a little worried. Carlisle assured us it was all right, and I could see it in his eyes that he actually cared for her, he was probably more human than eyes despite his un-beating heart.

I hear a snuffle and I'm broken away from my thoughts as my eyes suddenly refocus on Leah.

**Leah POV**

My head is encased in cotton wool. Everything is fuzzy and muffled. I thought heaven was supposed to be nicer. Oh no. Am I in hell? Is this my punishment for trying to end my life? Wait, who's that holding my hand? Dad? My heart lifts. I blink and open my eyes.

I can make out the blurred features of a boy about my age. Seth? Sam? I blink again and it Jacob. Jacob? Why is he here?

"It's OK" he whispers softly brushing his lips across my forehead. "Carlisle and Alice saved you, your safe now, don't worry about anything, we're all here for you now."

My heart lurches and my temper rebels. "You're here for me _now!_" I scream. "Now! Where were you when I actually needed you? Where were any of you when I actually needed you? Why are you here? None of you cared before, or do you just not want to look bad in front of the Leeches?"

I start ripping and scratching at the IV in my arm, tearing it out and continuing to scratch away at my arms drawing blood at I thrash and scream. I'm becoming hysterical and I know I have to stop, that I have to hide this in front of him, in front of the others but I can't.

"Leah..." he begs, and he's gripping my arms trying to stop me from harming myself any more. But I'm strong and I'm hysterical, and suddenly he's up on the bed leaning over me, one leg either side of me with each hand of his holding one of mine, pinning them above my head in an attempt to restrain me.

And suddenly I'm still. Awareness sizzles through me and I look up, into his eyes and I can see desire flooding them too. His eyes catch mine and suddenly I'm calm. He bends his head down and his lips are touching mine, his kiss fierce but gentle, loving. How does he know that this is the one thing I really truly need?

The door opens and I almost don't notice it. But I'm broken away from Jake by the sound of laughter. I look up and I can see the others in the doorway and I'm struck by the inappropriateness of this situation. Jacob's so young, not even eighteen. I hear more laughter and I realise its Edward, are the Cullens _all _here on our land? I look again and it's not all of them, Just Edward, Bella and Carlisle. He must be still watching over me, making sure I'm OK. Then I realises were the second laugh came from. Edward.

"Actually Leah, Jake's not seventeen anymore, he'd turned eighteen last night, shortly before you did this" he gestures towards my bed, "a little inconsiderate to do this on his birthday."

Huh, so not so much of a little boy anymore, all grown up. "You could say that" laughs Edward and suddenly I feel as if I'm the outsider on some sort of private joke.

"That's it everybody has to leave now!" growls Jake and he's disentangling himself from me.

"No!" I cry, struck by the strange new feeling. Is this true love?

And then I feel the pull of strings and I watch as they appear to pull Jake back towards me.

"Oh no, Jake you didn't!" I gasp.

"Sorry Leah, but apparently you can't imprint before you turn eighteen and yesterday was my birthday and well..." he trailed off.

"Oh Jake..." I whisper, and I don't care, I don't care about all the crap that has happened or Sam or the fact that there are twenty or so people in this room watching us, I can't let him go.

I reach up and lock my arms around his neck, pulling and pushing at him until he's sitting on the bed too. Still linking my arm around his neck I pull myself up so I'm sitting astride him, and I can hear behind us as the rooms quickly cleared.

Suddenly we're alone, and I push him backwards onto the bed. And then I realise, I've imprinted too, a double imprint. Not on Jacob the boy, but on Jake the man. I laugh to myself, and start pull at the hem of his shirt. Since when did he take to wearing shirts? He used to be half naked in case he phased all the time. I lean forward and kiss him.

And I'm happy. When did that happen? How did I go from suicidal to blissfully happy? And I don't care that fate has had it against me for the last five years. None of it matters now and it's all worth it to be here with Jake now.


	4. Sticking With You: Velvet Underground

**A/N**: This chapter isn't the start of happy ever after and sadly after this things just go from worse to worse for a while...

_Suddenly we're alone, and I push him backwards onto the bed. And then I realise, I've imprinted too, a double imprint. Not on Jacob the boy, but on Jake the man. I laugh to myself, and start pull at the hem of his shirt. Since when did he take to wearing shirts? He used to be half naked in case he phased all the time. I lean forward and kiss him._

_And I'm happy. When did that happen? How did I go from suicidal to blissfully happy? And I don't care that fate has had it against me for the last five years. None of it matters now and it's all worth it to be here with Jake now._

"**Anything that you might do, I'm sticking with you." I'm Sticking With You – The Velvet Underground.**

**Leah POV**

I was slowly, stretching and brush up against something warm. My body freezes. _Who _is in my bed with me? And then it all comes rushing back. The Suicide Attempt. The Leeches. Jake. And I smile. So much has changed in two day. And I could be happier.

Rolling over slightly, wincing at my arms, still painfully. They should have healed by now for someone with my healing abilities. But I don't worry. I'm too absorbed in my happiness. I shake Jake lightly. He groans into the pillow and swipes his arm at my head. I duck out of the way and laugh. He grunts again, burying his head further into my pillow.

"Jake...Jake! Get up!" I laugh as he groans once more. "Jake. Seriously. Move it." I can't remember the last time I felt like this. Happy. Uplifted. It's a whole new me. I run my hand down his back, marvelling at the closeness that seems to have developed overnight. He rolls over, smiling now, and pushes himself up of the bed. Reaching out and cupping my face, he brushes his lips softly against mine. I'm overwhelmed by the feeling of love that I feel right at this moment. I brush my hand up against his chest and slowly push him away.

"Jake," I groan. "Come on, we have to get up, we can't just lie in bed all day."

I wrestle with the sheet and manage to successfully extricate myself from the bed. Walking towards the shower, I turn around and smile at Jake. "Are you coming or not?" I call to him. I laugh as he leaps up off the bed and follows me into the shower. Somehow I don't think we'll manage to make it anywhere on time today.

***

**Leah POV**

I look up at the trees surrounding me. I'm supposed to be of duty but I've been given the day off. Jake promised to cover for me, everyone knew that I was free to do what I wanted. The others were just so pleased to see me happy, not miserable and sulking. It had been a long time since the entire pack had been happy and I couldn't help but think that in the past that pain had been mostly due to me.

But that was over now. A fresh start. A New chance at happiness. My new life with Jake. Forever.

Still, there was one thing bothering me. I hadn't phased since my accident. And I hadn't healed either. I should have healed yesterday. But I haven't. Is there something wrong with me? Have I lost my werewolf abilities? I know I should question the elders but the shame stops me. I can't let them know. Maybe nearly dying weakened my abilities. I'll avoid duty. I'll make excuses. And if all else fails? Maybe the Dr. Fang will know.

***


	5. My Happy Ending: Avril Lavigne

**A/N: This is a really short chapter but the next one is REALLY long to make up.**

_I hadn't phased since my accident. And I hadn't healed either. I should have healed yesterday. But I haven't. Is there something wrong with me? Have I lost my werewolf abilities? I know I should question the elders but the shame stops me. I can't let them know. Maybe nearly dying weakened my abilities. I'll avoid duty. I'll make excuses. And if all else fails? Maybe the Dr. Fang will know._

**"So much for my happy ending..." Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne**

**Several weeks later**

**Jake POV**

I'm worried about Leah. She's become quiet and withdrawn and despite the fact we now spend every waking moment together I can feel her drifting apart. I worry that she's falling back into old patterns and that she might try to harm herself again. I can't let anything happen to my beautiful Leah. She refuses to join us on any werewolf activities and I'm afraid that she's hiding something. Something she doesn't want us to find our telepathically.

I look up as she comes in through the door. She smiles weakly and slumps down next to me on the sofa, resting her head on my shoulder. Is it me does she seem older than she did last week. There are bags under her eyes and she looks as if she hasn't slept in weeks. She pale and drawn and her skin feel colder and clammy next to mine.

I stroke her arm gently and she looks up into my eyes.

"Are you OK Lee-Lee?" I ask softly.

She bites her lip gently and I can see that she's trying not to cry.

"I...I don't think so." She replies, her bottom lip trembling.

"Leah what's wrong?" I demand almost forcefully. She shakes her head before whispering,

"I don't know, I just feel all wrong. My arms aren't healed yet, and they should have healed ages ago, I'm tired, I feel sick, I feel _so _ill all the time...and I can't phase." She whispers the last bit so quietly that I almost don't hear it.

"What!" I yell.

She bursts into tears. Well that went well. I was supposed to be comforting her, not making her cry. What kind of person am I? I can see that she's in a state and I yelled at her. Then panic fills my veins.

She can't phase.

How serious is that? I know we should go talk to the elders but I'm concerned how Leah will take it. I reach out my arm and drawn her into my grasp. Holding her softly against me, I let her cry out all her tears. She should go see Carlisle. Bella trusts him with her life and that's good enough for me.

Picking her up in my arms I start to walk towards the door, she's still crying into my shoulder but she manages to look up and ask where we're going.

"We're going to go see Carlisle."


	6. Hide & Seek: Imogen Heap

A/N I'm very sorry I didn't update yesterday...and that I probably won't for a while, my computer blew up and wiped everything, my brand new week-old computer...Luckily I'd already uploaded this, but it looks a while before my computer will be fixed...sorry. I will finish it though...in a couple of weeks.

"_Are you OK Lee-Lee?" I ask softly._

"_I...I don't think so." She replies, her bottom lip trembling._

"_I don't know, I just feel all wrong. My arms aren't healed yet, and they should have healed ages ago, I'm tired, I feel sick, I feel so ill all the time...and I can't phase." She whispers the last bit so quietly that I almost don't hear it. _

"_We're going to go see Carlisle."_

"**It's not meant to be like this, it's not what I planned at all." Hide & Seek – Imogen Heap.**

**Leah POV**

I looked up at Jacob's tear-filled eyes. The worry and pain emanating from them was unbearable. His suffering at my hands hurt me more than anything. Jacob didn't need any pain in his life. We were supposed to be happy. Everything was supposed to be perfect.

And now...Suddenly...

Suddenly it's all going wrong again. Fate just seemed to have it in for me. Every time I think my life is going well it suddenly takes a u-turn and my life crashes back down again. Maybe I'm not supposed to be happy, and this life is just some cruel trick that somebody has devised just to torture me.

And Jacob.

I can't let him hurt life this.

I look up into his eyes, squeezing his hand. It feels hot against mine, even for normal, and I realise how ill I really am, how much my temperature's changing. Lowering. I'm getting sick. I have to do this on my own. I can't drag Jacob into my sorry mess, it's best if I do this alone.

He looks down into my eyes, and I feel the strings tug on my heart. It's going to be near impossible to be apart from him.

"It will be alright." He promises me. He sounds strong, sure, and there's no hint of fear or panic in his voice. I know he's only putting that on for me. I can see it in his eyes how much he's hurting, how scared he is.

"You don't know that." I reply, shaking my head. "You _can't_ know that." I squeeze my eyes shut as yet more tears try to escape from my eyes. I bury my head in his shoulder, letting the pain take over my body. "I have to do this alone." I say. I hear my voice rebound in my head. I sound stronger, more self assured. You can barely hear the pain in my voice. I know that it's best I do this alone and come find him later.

Yet, at the same time, the voice inside me is crying out for him to stay, to come with, to protect me.

"Leave me at the Cullens'." There's no venom in my voice as I say this and I realise that I really have changed recently. I'm doing what's best for me now and ignoring my prejudices. "I'll meet you later." I know that it will be agonizing to leave him. For both of us. But I know it's best. I know it's best...

Besides, he'd probably just be yelling at Dr. Fang the whole time. And Dr. Fang, _Carlisle, _is a good doctor, and person. _Vampire._

I dry my tears and summing up strength that I didn't even know I had, I fake a smile at Jacob.

"Come on," I say. "How bad can it be?"

***

**Alice POV**

A vision hits me. _I'm in my home, and I can hear voices from upstairs. It sounds like Carlisle. He's talking to someone. I walk upstairs and I'm standing outside his office. I can't get a good grasp on the second person. Is it a wolf? "Well," He's saying. "It's not life threatening. But I'm not sure how you're going to take this. You've stopped phasing because of your imprint, as far as I can tell. You've started ageing again, everything, carrying on with your life, like before. But..." he trails off and I can hear worry in his voice. And pity. He has to give someone, this wolf bad news. I feel remorse for the patient in Carlisle's study. Suddenly my brain spins into over drive as I listen to what Carlisle has just told his patient. What! How can that have happened?_

And then I'm back in the present. My minds running in a panic. Wow...

I hear a knock at the door. Stumbling down the hall to answer it, my mind in a daze, I open it without thinking, and am greeted by the sight of Leah. I can see Jacob standing down the path, a look of pain on his face. Is it Leah? Is she Carlisle's patient. I push down the panic and worry threatening to engulf me. Leah doesn't have time for my hysterics.

"You're here to see Carlisle, right?" I ask her, shutting the door as she steps inside.

"Yeah," she replies softly, and I can hear the worry in her voice. Oh God...she has no idea.

I take her arm, and lead her up the stairs. Once we reach the top I pull her down the hall to Carlisle office. I wonder if she's worried and I realise she hasn't made any complaints about the smell, or our weird vampireness. My heart lurches again. I knock on Carlisle's door, and open it. I push Leah into Carlisle's room. I shoot a glance at him and he sees the worry in my eyes and nods. He'll take good care of her, like he did last time.

I make my way back out of the room and shut the door behind me. I sigh and close my eyes. And pray that Leah will be OK.

***

**Leah POV**

I watch as pixie-vamp leaves the room. She knows something's up. She knew I wanted to see Carlisle, and I wonder to myself how much she knows. More than me? Did she have a vision?

I switch my attention back to Carlisle. I can see the empathy and warmth in his amber eyes, and I know that he will look after me, and not abandon me like I have been in the past.

He smiles at me. Friendlily. I try to smile back but the fear and panic is starting to overwhelm me.

"Shhhhh...." he says gently, and immediately I'm a little bit calmer. He reaches out his hand and pats my arm. "It'll will be alright Leah," he says "I've seem almost everything in my lifetime." My breathing returns to normal and I smile at him, silently thanking him for reassuring me. "So," he asks, "What appears to be wrong?"

It all comes out in a rush, and I know that anyone else would be unable to understand me. It's all pouring out of me like a giant flood, drowning everything else. He listens patiently as I pour my heart out. I finish and I'm left sobbing quietly. He reaches out a hand and pats me on the shoulder, reassuring me.

"I know what's wrong." He says, and his smiling. So I'm not drying? Or is he just glad to be rid of another wolf. He taps his ear. "I could hear what was wrong with you as soon as you set foot in here, and I'm sure the others could as well." Is it serious? My time with Jake cut short so tragically.

"_Well," He's saying. "It's not life threatening. But I'm not sure how you're going to take this. You've stopped phasing because of your imprint, as far as I can tell. You've started ageing again, everything, carrying on with your life, like before. But..." he trails off. Oh God! I can't phase. I'm getting older. I'm going to die. And Jake will stay the same. Younger._

"...that's not why you feel so ill." He says. And there's worry on his voice. He's worried how I'm going to take this. As if he can sense it's not going to go well. "You're pregnant Leah." He reaches out a hand to reassure me.

Pregnant. A baby? And then it all over whelms me as I crumple to the floor.


	7. Run Don't Walk: Hey Monday

**A/N: OK, so I managed to get my computer working a lot quicker than I thought...I reinstalled windows...My next few chapters are a little short (500 words) so I might pair them up when I post them or update twice a day...I wanted to fit in all the songs I liked without dragging out the story which meant chapters got split...  
**

_Pregnant. A baby? And then it all over whelms me as I crumple to the floor. _

**"I'm a desperate cry for help. Run don't walk the sky is falling." Run, Don't Walk - Hey Monday.**

**Leah POV**

Everything's fuzzy and there's a dull thumping in my head. I don't know where I am or why I'm lying down but I'm surrounded by this horrible smell that reminds me of the vamps. I carefully open my eyes and push myself up off the bed, swinging my legs over the edge. I'm in Carlisle's office and I'm lying on a bed. The rooms empty apart from me and I'm confused s to how I got here.

And then it all comes flooding back. The Suicide Attempt. Jake. Imprinting. The baby. Oh no, what have I got myself into? How do I seem to mess it up all the time. Is there somebody out there just messing around with my life, watching me squirm and trying to push me to see how far I'll go, to see how much pain I can take?

Oh Jake. I love him so much but how can we cope with a baby. How can I cope with a baby? It's all going wrong now and I don't know what to do. I can feel my breathing quicken as I start to become hysterical and I know I should calm down, that this can't be good for the baby, not all this stress. My breaths are getting quicker and I'm starting to see dots before my eyes. There's a rushing in my ears and I know that in a minute I'm going to pass out. I'm hyperventilating and I can't calm down I can't control myself.

Tears are pouring down my face as I struggle to control my breathing. Where did it all go wrong? Just as I thought it was all going we again the carpet just gets ripped out from under my feet. What could I have possibly done to deserve all this pain.

The rushing gets louder and I don't even notice when the door opens.

Suddenly a blanket of calm sweeps over me. Reassuring and safe. _Jasper._ I can feel my breathing slowing and I know that it'll return to normal. I'm so grateful to Jasper. I know he doesn't normally come near the humans and yet he's doing this for me, saving me. I amazed how often the vamps have been doing that recently. Saving me.

I look up and he's gazing down at me, concern still on his face. I think they're all worried I'm going to explode or something. Or doing something stupid and leave it up to them to explain to Jake.

A stab of pain goes through my heart as I remember him. What am I going to do. I can't drag him down with me.

There are three options. Don't keep the baby. My baby. Our baby. Jake's baby. I can't do that. It would be like killing a part f him and as messed up as I am right know I know that's wrong, that I can't do it. Two options. Stay. Or go.

I just can't stand there and let anything hurt Jake. I can't. I have to go. It's bet for all of us. For him at least. And that's all that matters.

I look up at Jasper and the concern still shows on his face.

"I could feel you downstairs..." he pauses, unsure what to say next.

"We've agreed to help you...whatever you decide."

Then he holds out his hand and I take it. Pulling myself up off the bed, onto my feet. I calm now. Deadly calm and I can't help but think that I'd be falling apart without him. I clear my head and try to think about the future. And then I follow him through the door.


	8. So Nice So Smart: Kimya Dawson

**A/N: For those that wanted Leah to stay...sorry she's definatly going, if you can guess where I'll put your name in the 10th chapter...**

"_We've agreed to help you...whatever you decide."_

**"They suck your blood ...say shut up and quit your crying." So Nice So Smart - Kimya Dawson.**

**Rosalie POV**

I've waited so long for a baby. So long, and I've tried so hard and then that _dog_ gets a baby that she doesn't even want. That she doesn't even appreciate. It's so unfair, she has everything given to her, the one thing I want so desperately.

She has to keep the baby. If she doesn't...we'll make her. Emmett will back me. The others will join us. She has to keep it. She can't destroy the one thing I want so callously. Or we could keep it. The baby. My baby? Would she agree. Edward glances at me and shakes his head. He thinks this is a bad idea. A baby. That would grow and be happy. _Human._ Sort of. And the wolfness would stop us attacking when we're thirsting. It's a brilliant idea. We'll make her keep the baby. And then I'll take it.

**Leah POV**

I'm sitting at the head of a large wooden table that would probably be where they all ate...if they ate. On my left are Carlisle and his wife Esme, with Alice and Jasper next to them. She smiles encouragingly at me and I think about how friendly and nice she is...about how much effort she went to, to save me. What she risked. On my right is Rosalie and her husband Emmett. Next to them are Bella and Edward.

Rosalie is staring at me aggressively. I know she's dying to ask me something. Or say something. But she hasn't been given permission to speak yet.

"You _are_ keeping the baby." She hisses almost violently. I have the feeling that a negative answer wouldn't have been tolerated.

"Yes." I reply. I try to sound confident but there's still doubt in my voice.

Edward looks up from the table in front of him. He knows what I'm thinking and he knows what I want.

"Leah wants to leave. With the baby." I can hear doubt in his voice and I wonder if I'm that confused. Or does he just think I'm doing the wrong thing.

The others stop looking at him and turn back around to face me. I can see confusion on some of their faces. They don't think I'm doing the right thing. None of them do. They think I should stay with my family. Well tough. This is my decision. Not theirs.

"Leah," Edward says, "we've agreed to help you, whatever you decide."


	9. Goodbye To YouSaying Goodnight

**A/N: Still no guesses on where she's going? It's pretty obvious its 30 miles max from the actual Forks, WA. Zoom in on the coast line. Or read the books again...if in doubt read this chapter carefully.**

"_We've agreed to help you, whatever you decide."_

**"Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew." Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch.**

"**She packs her bags and plans to run away. She's saying goodbye, and leaving tonight." Saying Goodnight – Sugarcult **

**Leah POV**

I wipe away the tears that are falling down my face. I know I'm doing the right thing and yet my heart feels like it's being ripped out and torn into pieces. This is going to break my heart being apart from Jake, but I know that its what's best for him. He deserves better than what I can give him, a broken girl and a baby at eighteen. A baby that ages while you stay permanently eighteen.

I quickly shove my clothes inside a bag. Alice has agreed to drive me to the Makah reservation. It's only a couple of hours and at Pixie's speed we'll make it long before that. I've seen her driving.

I can feel that guilt and pain drowning me but I know I have to carry on. I have to go before Jake comes home otherwise it will just be harder.

I can see Esme watching me out of the corner of my eye. She agreed to come with me to help me pack. She thinks that I'm doing the wrong thing and I know she thinks I should stay with Jake but it just wouldn't work.

This is going to hurt so much. So, _so_, much. And I wonder if it's worth it, sacrificing my happiness to protect Jake. The one I love. And I know it's worth it. Whatever happens to me, no matter how much it hurts.

**Esme POV**

I know that this is wrong. That I should be running to find Jacob and telling him, protecting this family and making sure that they stay together. But I don't. I can't betray Leah like that. She's already been through so much pain and suffering that I have to believe that she'll make the right choices. Eventually.

I can see her packing her bags now as I watch over her. She needs so desperately for someone to come and take care of her and I was so sure that that person was Jacob. That he would protect her. Families should stay together. They shouldn't been torn apart like this.

She looks up at me. She's done packing and she's ready to go. I watch as she grabs a pen and scribbles on a piece of paper _don't come after me. Love Leah. _This is going to hurt him just as much as it hurts her. Just as much as it hurts all of us.

I grab hold of her bag, knowing she shouldn't life something so heavy in her condition. I carry it over to the door, and wait for her to follow after me.

Alice is already in the car. I open the passenger door for Leah and she slides inside, silently. I worry about her and I shoot a glance at Alice who nods. She'll make sure Leah stays safe until she's dropped off at the reservation. She'll make sure they look after her too.

I close the door and walk around, putting the bag in the boot of the car. I take a step back and raise my arm, waving to see Leah off, and watch as the car pulls out. I keep watching it until it reaches the end of the road. And then I run.


	10. She Walked Away: BarlowGirl

**A/N: I said I'd put the names of the people who guessed where Leah was going in this chapter but no one's guessed correctly so far so I'm including the names of two of the people who give me the most reviews "MrsBlackWifey" also know as Nikki and "ari11990" known as Ariana. According to their profiles at least. Hope you don't mind, if you do I can edit out and repost it.**

_Alice is already in the car. I open the passenger door for Leah and she slides inside, silently. I worry about her and I shoot a glance at Alice who nods. She'll make sure Leah stays safe until she's dropped off at the reservation. She'll make sure they look after her too._

_I close the door and walk around, putting the bag in the boot of the car. I take a step back and raise my arm, waving to see Leah off, and watch as the car pulls out. I keep watching it until it reaches the end of the road. And then I run._

"**She walked away. Couldn't say why she was leaving." She Walked Away - BarlowGirl.**

**Alice POV**

I'm driving slowly. At the actual speed limit. It's driving me crazy to be this slow but I know going faster would probably make Leah ill...all over the inside of my car.

Leah is silent. It's been twenty minutes and she hasn't spoken a word. Or moved. I'm a little worried about her. She says nothing, does nothing and only the faint rising of her chest and the soft beating of her heart tell me she's still alive. I worry. It's not natural to be around a human so devoid of life, so devoid of feeling. So catatonic.

She just sits there silent, eyes closed, the odd tear leaking out the corners. I know this is hurting her but it's the choice see made.

**Leah POV**

It hurts. It hurts to much. Jake, my Jake. Oh I love him so much what was I thinking? I can't do this on my own. I barely function without him. Jake. My Jake. This journey is going to be the hardest one I ever have to make.

I should end it all now. Quickly. Before anyone notices. Before they stop me. I'd be out of Jae's life forever then. I wouldn't be there to hurt him anymore. All I do is cause pain, and problems. I'm no good for anybody.

But I can't kill Jake's baby. No. Not his baby. Not my baby. I'll wait.

**Alice POV**

Were here now and I'm a little tense about leaving Leah. I know that she's not ready to be abandoned onto the graces of strangers, it hurt her enough leaving Jacob. But this is what she wanted to do. This is what she wanted. And I have to respect her decision. She's in a difficult situation with difficult choices and this perhaps is the best place for her.

I get out of the car and open the door for Leah. She gets out silently. I wish Edward were here. To tell me she's OK, that she's not going to do anything stupid, but I have to trust her. It's hard.

I walk over to a tall looking couple. Two representatives to make sure Leah fits into the Makah tribe. Their faces look calm and I know they'll be supportive of Leah, like Jacob's tribe was supportive of Embry's mother. They'll look after her. I walk over and introduce myself and Leah. They're expecting us.

The taller woman introduces herself as Nikki. Her friend's name is Ariana. I know they'll help Leah fit in. That's what they're here for. To protect her. To keep her safe. The way Jacob should have kept her safe, out of danger. Happy.

Nikki attempts to speak to Leah only to be greeted with silence. She trails of and shares a worried glace with me. Leah's state is not normal. She's practically catatonic. I smile reassuringly and try to pretend that everything will be alright, that everything will work out. But I know it's going to be hard.

Leah's silent. Ariana takes her arm and smiles sympathetically.

"Hush now sweetheart," she rubs Leah's back soothingly. "It'll be alright here, we'll look after you." Where have I heard that before? No one ever takes proper care of Leah. They always let her hurt herself.

Everybody just seems to let her down. All the time. It's as if she's living in some kind of soap opera. Or Shakespearean Tragedy. Only death and misery to look forward to. Leah's surely had more than enough suffering to classify. I can't help but think that maybe we're letting her down, abandoning her by letting her do this to herself, to Jacob. Maybe we should have made her stay. Maybe we should have to Jacob. Surely there was another way to sort this out than running away. It never solves anything, it just creates more problems, more lies to untangle.

The women start to lead Leah away. To her new home. I hope that she'll be safe here. More than anything I hope that his was the right decision, that she'll be happy here.

And yet there's doubt in my heart. I know that it's impossible for Leah to be happy without her Jacob. Her imprint. Her life. He's everything to her and just the thought of leaving Jasper for any time at all just about tears my heart to shreds. I don't know how she can do it, how she can even contemplate it, how she can possibly cope. Or maybe she can't.

It's too late now. It's out of my hands. There's nothing I can do but support her and pray she's made the right decision. I have to hope that Leah will be OK from now on. That this will be a fresh start for her, a better start.

And so I turn my back, get in my car and drive away. Leah's has to be Ok now, with or without us.


	11. Homecoming: Hey Monday

_And so I turn my back, get in my car and drive away. Leah's has to be Ok now, with or without us._

**I'm coming home, did you take off while I was gone." Homecoming - Hey Monday**

**Jacob POV**

I open the door and step inside. It's eerily quiet and my worries about Leah all day suddenly kick into overdrive. Has something happened? Or is she just sleeping? I hope that it's not something serious and my fear of losing her stabs through my heart like a knife. I love her far too much to ever let her go. She's my life.

I walk down the hallway and open the door to our bedroom. It's messy as if someone was going through their stuff in a hurry. Probably Leah trying to find something to wear. I look around and she's not here. When is she? Where could she be? She should be back from the leeches by now. Unless something happened.

I walk over to her wardrobe, almost hoping she's hiding inside and her absences is just some trick to make me worry. I open the door and fall back onto the bed. It's gone. It's all gone. All her stuff has been stripped bare. She's gone. And she's not coming back. Why has she left me? What could I have possibly done to make her leave me?

I raise my hand to my face and wipe away the tears already falling. My heart feels as if it's been ripped in two. My Leah. My Lee-Lee. Gone. Away from me. Without me. How can I go on without her? My imprint. I need her more than I need air.

I look around for any sign she's still here. Something personal. Something she wouldn't have just left, abandoned. Like me.

There's a letter. On my pillow. I reach over and grab it. Maybe it's going to tell me where to go, where to find her. Maybe it's just a holiday.

_Don't come after me. Love Leah._

Scribbled on a piece of paper. There are blotches staining the page and she must have been crying when she wrote this. I can't stand to think of her hurt. In pain. Not my Leah. She means too much to me.

The leeches. They have something to do with this. If they've taken her, hurt her. If they forced her to write this. I'll get her back. I'll protect her. If it's the last thing I do.

**Jasper POV**

There's a tap on the door and I know it's Jacob. I can feel the anger seeping through the door. Unless Edward did something stupid again and Bella's come for blood. I laugh at my little joke.

I knew it would come to this. That he would come looking for her. He's just not the kind of man...dog....that would just let it go. He's more than that. He loves her. I can feel it emanating from both of them. They care too much about each other and I know it was wrong for us to let Leah go.

I knew this would end in trouble for us. He'll probably set the pack on us.

"Where _is_ she?" he growls.

Carlisle comes down the stairs. He's heard Jacob; I think everybody's heard him. Carlisle smiles sympathetically at Jacob. This isn't going to be easy, so I stay in case I'm needed to calm him down. This isn't going to end well.

**Jacob POV**

"Jacob, Jake...I'm sorry...but Leah's asked us not to tell you. Anything." My face crumples and the doctor winces. Good. Let him feel some of my pain. He thinks it's wrong to hurt me this way. But he's protecting Leah. From what? Me?

"Tell me where she is." I growl. "Tell me what's wrong." And blanket of calm is thrown over me and I struggle against it. "Tell me." I grasping and struggling and I know I'm on the verge of phasing which would make communication more difficult but I need to know. I need to be there for her.

"Jacob, I sorry. But Leah comes first; this is her problem to deal with until she wants to tell you."

I'm resisting and struggling but the calm is too much for me. I underestimated Jasper's powers. I'd always seen him as the weakest of the lot but I guess even he has his uses.

"_Please._"I cry. I'm begging. Desperate. I'd do anything for Leah. I'd do _anything._ I'd probably kiss Blondie if I could have Leah back. My Leah. I can't live without her. I need her.

The doctor looks down, guilty. He knows what's wrong. He knows where she is. He just won't tell me. Why?

I throw myself towards the door, ripping it away from its hinges and I hear Esme gasp. I feel a twinge of guilt about destroying her home, when she's been so good to be but its quickly smothered back down by the amount of anger consuming me.

Sam. Sam will help me.

**Sam POV**

I listen to what Jacobs just told me and I know that a war against the vampires won't work. They won't tell us anything now. No matter what. Not unless someone's in danger. They have their own code as we have ours. Their own set of rules to obey. They won't break Leah's trust. Not unless they think she's in danger. And they clearly think she's better off without Jake.

I wonder what it is that caused Leah to run, when she was finally happy. What caused her to run away against her imprint? Do go against a force that strong, to leave Emily. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't stay away from Emily to be with the girl I loved; Leah.

"Jake, we can't start a war and you know it. They're not going to tell us anything."

He growls at me and I take a step back.

"Jacob, come back into my pack, until Leah returns. We'll work together and we'll find her, on our own."

He pauses and I can see him considering it. He wants her back. Now. But he knows that he can't find her on his own.

"We'll find her Jake. Whatever it takes."


	12. A Thousand Miles: Vanessa Carlton

"_We'll find her Jake. Whatever it takes."_

**"If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by, cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight." I Would Walk A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton.**

**Leah POV**

It's been a year since I left Jake. A whole year. Today. And it hurts more than ever. More than I ever thought possible. As if my whole heart is literally being ripped into pieces. And I think to myself and wonder what I was thinking to possibly consider this. To think that _this_ could possibly be a good idea. The pain is really intense some days and it makes me reconsider everything. Reconsider life. Like maybe this world would be better off without me. Like My family is better off without me. Like Sam and Emily are better off without me. Like the pack's better off without me. Like Jake's better off without me.

And then I look down at my son. Harry Black. And a little warmth goes through me. Not happiness, but love. And least that's something after all this time. Some positive emotion coming out of the black abyss. My son. Our son. I live for him. He needs someone to protect him and this keeps me going. I can't leave him alone in the world with no one to help him. Like everybody left me. Alone. Hurting. Struggling to breathe.

He's tall for his age, gangly. A spitting image of his father. It's undeniable. He looks up and all I can see is Jake looking back at me. My Jacob. My one true love. It follows me wherever I go, the mistakes I made, the choices. I lost Jake and the pain and suffering follow me and haunt me constantly. And there's no one else to blame but me. It's all my fault. All mine.

When I first got here there were question about the father. Why had I left, was it someone on this reservation. But when Harry was born everybody could see. It's like looking into the past and seeing exactly what Jake used to look like. Every line, every hair. An identical replica. I remember growing up with Jake, so happy and full of life. Whenever I look at Harry all I can see is Jake. Jake running, Jake playing, Jake telling me he loved me. It hurts. It hurts so much.

There's almost none of me in him. Not when you look at him. But if you watch him, always out of the corner of your eye, then you can see my spirit, my old spirit. Before it got crushed, before my heart got ripped out. He's stronger than me. I know that he's prepared for all the challenges and problems life has to throw at him. Growing up here without a father. Without a family is going to be hard on him. But he's small. He doesn't really understand. He doesn't ask questions. Yet. And it worries me.

I would do anything to be back in Jacob's loving arms. To be surrounded by him and told how much he cares, how much he loves me. To hear his voice again. The feel of his body against mine. Warm. Safe. Loved. Happy. I miss Jake so much. So much it hurts. The pain I feel is all consuming. Swallowing me whole, sucking me under.

I would give almost anything to be back with Jake. Anything.

I miss Jacob so much it hurts and the pain is almost unbearable and some days the temptation to go back into old habits is so tempting. But it would be harder to get away with it here. I can't heal miraculously. I age. My cuts would show. My scars. I could let them catch me, find me. They might take away my baby. My little Jake. The only thing I have left of him anymore.

The black abyss swallows me whole and consumes me without Jake and some days I can't even more. It was so hard at first without Jake. Though my pregnancy it was so painful, so hard watching my body change, grow, without Jake there to support me. All alone. Without him. Without my family. Without anyone. There's no one here to help me anymore. No one to look after me, no one to care for me.

Just Harry. I do it all for Harry. Everything for Harry and Jake. My boys, my life. There's nothing else out there in this life that important. They're all I care about, wish for, hope for. They're all I want.


	13. Yesterday: The Beatles

_**A/N I know it's short but the next chapter is long so...  
**_

_I would do anything to be back in Jacob's loving arms. _

**"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...I'm not half the man I used to be." Yesterday - The Beatles.**

**Jacob POV**

It's been a year since I she left. A whole year. Today. And it hurts more than ever. More than I ever thought possible. As if my whole heart is literally being ripped into pieces. And I think to myself and wonder what she was thinking to possibly consider this. To think that _leaving me_ could possibly be a good idea. It hurts so much being without her and I can't think of any reason, any reason in this world why she would run away from me, did she think she was protecting me? There's nothing in this world that we could face, that we couldn't face together. I mean, we've both been through a lot. It's not as if either of us hasn't experienced suffering and pain. We've both had our fair share. We've both lost parents, we've both suffered the loss of the person we _thought_ we loved. We've both been through so much. We're so alike in every way, and I just don't know what she was thinking to leave me. Alone.

I'm broken. A shell of the man I used to be. Nothing means anything anymore. Not without Leah. It's like I never realised until I had her, and then she left, just how much I truly depended on her. For everything. I'm nothing anymore and my sole purpose in life is finding her. If I have to search the entire planet I'll do it. With or without Sam's help. We merged the packs after Leah left. I don't belong to any pack anymore. Not really. They all follow Sam's lead and I just wander. Alone. I'm a part of their pack. Sort of. I'm supposed to be the Alpha, but I don't belong, I don't fit in. Not without Leah.

There are missing posters up around the reservation everywhere. And all over Forks...And all over Port Angeles. I've never stopped looking and some nights I don't even sleep anymore. I just stay awake and think about her. I just don't know where she could have gone. She'd lived on the reservation all her life and I just don't know where she would have gone. Or who would have helped her.

I've spent the last year looking for her, searching. I've asked everybody I know but if anybody knows anything they're not saying. It's like she disappeared without a trace. No evidence left behind that she every existed. We've asked around every reservation in the area, expect _of course_ the Makah reservation because nobody went there anymore, not since Embry arrived. Nobody goes there anymore. It's sort of an unwritten rule. Especially amongst the wives. They don't want their husbands going there and bringing back a girlfriend and baby.

I would do anything to be back in my arms. To be surrounded by her love and told how much she cares about me, how much she loves me. To hear her voice again. The feel of her body against mine. Warm. Safe. Loved. Happy.

I would give almost anything. Anything.

I miss Leah so much it hurts. The pain is almost unbearable and some days it's all I can think of. She's all I can think of. She's all I care about, wish for, hope for. She's all I want.


	14. Do You Feel: The Rocket Summer

**A/N: And through in a little paranoia and depression... **

_I miss Leah so much it hurts. The pain is almost unbearable and some days it's all I can think of. She's all I can think of. She's all I care about, wish for, hope for. She's all I want. _

**"Do you feel the weight of the world, sing in sorrow." Do You Feel - The Rocket Summer. **

**Leah POV**

The baby's crying. Harry. He's crying and crying and everybody assures me it's normal. That babies cry. But it's not and I know it. He's crying because I'm a bad mother. He's trying to tell everybody. But nobody listens.

I know. I know that he's trying to warn everybody. Tell that about the bad things I've done. Stealing him away from his father. From Jake. My Jake. My sweet, loving, trusting Jake.

What have I done? I've stolen him away from a loving family, from a safe home. He'd be better off without me. He'd be better off with Jake.

The crying starts again and it pierces through my soul. I'm an awful person. I'm a terrible mother. He wants something I can't give him. Something I won't give him. He wants his father, the father I left. Abandoned.

I can feel all the pressures, struggles and problems of the world weighing down on my shoulders. I look ill, I'm tired and worn and I've lost weight. More weight than the few pounds I gained when I was pregnant. I'm an awful mother. I couldn't even eat right and put on weight. I just lay there every day for months in a sort of catatonic state. Not moving. Not eating. Not sleeping. Just crying. So myself. The women on the reservation would come in and try and sooth me. They'd tell me it was all right. That everything would be OK once the baby was born, once I held him in my arms. But all I felt towards him was resentment for taking me away from Jake. Even though it was even his fault.

It was my fault I got pregnant. My fault I left. Everything was my fault. And I blamed my son for so long. Even now, when I look at him and see him playing happily a wave of anger swells up and consume me. What right does he have to be happy when he's causing me misery?

Harry cries again. Why can't he just be quiet, leave me alone. I didn't want to be stuck with a baby, growing old alone, without my family or brother to support me. I let him cry. If he's lucky one of the other women will go in and sooth him. He's better off without me any way. He like the other women better, I doubt he even recognises me as his mother. He probably thinks I'm this strange cruel woman.

I miss Jake and it hurts. I can't cope with a baby. I can't cope just looking after myself. What was I thinking to run away like that? I should have given him away. He would have been better off without me as his mother. He deserves so much more than I can possibly give him. I'm just this useless waste of space that can't even nurse him, sooth him, stop him crying, ease his pain.

The stress is too much. I bury my head in my knees and cry. I can't cope. I can't cope with anything. That one day at a time is a load of rubbish. No one cares. No one helps. You're all alone in this world and the only person who can take care of you is yourself. And if you're not strong enough this world will break you. Like it broke me.

I'm just a shell. My heart lying in pieces, torn apart by every person I ever loved, by every person that ever hurt me, kicked me while I was down.

Harry would be better off without me as a mother. Without me to hurt him and make him suffer. Keeping him away from his father, a father who would take much better care of him, who would know how to make the crying stop.

I'm an awful person, an awful mother. I can't do anything right, not in this world. A world that's better off without me.

Harry cries again. Crying for his father no doubt. I worry that when he speaks he'll ask about his father. He'll ask the other women as he grows up, he'll question why he's the only boy without a father. And then, when he's older he'll leave me. He'll go find Jake. It's not as if he's a long way away. Jake's only a couple of hours and Harry wouldn't hesitate to leave me. And I'll be all alone again. Jake won't want me. He'll have Harry.

No doubt Jake's found someone else since I left him. Is it someone I knew? One of my cousins? Or is it a stranger. Someone I can't even hate. Someone who didn't even know about me. Will he imprint again? On _her_? This girl who's more a part of my imagination than reality. How long did he wait? Or did he find me gone and more on straight away? I try to picture her, this perfect girl, perfectly suited for Jake. She looks like Bella in my head. Bella who he loved before me. What if he still loved her when he was with me?

These thoughts plague my mind and I find myself slipping more and more into a depression. It's getting so hard to cope these days. It's getting _so_ hard. I can't cope on my own. I never could. I always depended on other people and every time someone broke my heart I just moved on to another person. Opening myself up and waiting for them to tear apart my life, to tear apart my heart, with their hurtful words and comments.

Oh Jake. Why did I leave him? Harry cries again and sobs rip though my body. I can't cope. Not anymore. This world. Jake. Everybody. They're all better off without me. Everybody is better off without me. Even Harry.


	15. Boston: Augustana

**A/N: For those that wanted Jake & Leah to reunite but happy ever after is 3 weeks away. In the meantime there's pain and misery...and a few confrontations...**

_Harry cries again and sobs rip though my body. I can't cope. Not anymore. This world. Jake. Everybody. They're all better off without me. Everybody is better off without me. Even Harry. _

**"You don't know me, and you don't even care." Boston - Augustana.**

**Jacob POV**

Sam's called a meeting. I refused to come. I'm too busy searching for Leah to come to his stupid pack meetings.

But he insisted this time. He said it was important for everyone to be there, including me. Maybe he has news about Leah.

**Sam POV**

This is going to be hard. More so for Jake than me. But I've discussed it with the rest of the pack and they all agree. We're not looking anymore. We've wasted a year searching for her and if she's out there, if she's still alive she doesn't want to be found.

Even Seth agrees. It's time to stop looking. If Leah wants to come back, she'll come back. She knows where we are and with her wolf abilities I doubt there's anything that could stop her doing what she wanted, stop her coming back if she wanted to.

I think she's made it clear now; she doesn't want to be found. But Jake doesn't seem to grasp this idea; he just keeps looking for her. Some nights he doesn't even sleep. And he barely eats. He lives to find her, nothing else. And all of us know that no matter how much pain he's in now the pain of finding out she left because she didn't want him anymore or worse; that she's dead would destroy him. I'm not sure he could go on without her.

Jake's like a brother to me. I can't let him do this to himself anymore. It's time to cut loose. To set his demons free.

**Jacob POV**

Everybody's already gathered. Am I late? I check my watch. No. Maybe Sam just gave them a different time. Why? I'm going to find out now anyway.

I sit down next to Quil. He seems to have changed a lot in the year and I realise just how much I have missed out on, just how much of my time have disappeared while I've been look for Leah.

I turn my attention to Sam and he clears his throat. He looks uncomfortable and I wonder what he has to say, what could possibly be important enough to drag me away from my search. From my hunt.

"Jake..." he begins. I'm a little confused as to why he's addressing me. And then it clicks. This is about Leah. I look across at Seth and he's looking at my sympathetically. No...please, no. Tell me she's not dead. No...Not my Leah.

I look back at Seth. He doesn't seem overly upset, not a lot more than normal anyway. If she was dead would he be a little more upset? I mustn't jump to conclusions. It won't do me any good. It won't do Leah any good. Sam begins again.

"Jake, look, mate...we've decided to stop looking. If Leah wants to be wound she'll come back."

He takes a step back and looks at the others cautiously. I'm confused. I don't understand what's happening. Why would we stop looking for Leah? My _imprint_. I look around and none of them look as if they want to tear his head off...it's as if...as if...

And it clicks. As if they'd already decided. Without me. Are they all running around having private little meetings now... Have I been cut off from the pack?

Anger consumes me. They're taking away my last chance to find Leah. To save her. My Leah. No, I won't let it happen.

A growl erupts from me.

"Jake, look man." It's Quil. My friend. "If Leah wanted to be found we would have by now. She doesn't." He looks down at the floor. "Either that or..."

I growl again, stepping up towards him, my face leaning over his, intimidating him.

"Or what?" I ask. "She's _dead?_" I'm on the verge of phasing. Against my control.

"Look mate..." Its Embry now. They're all turning against me. "We all remember how she was before you guys were together. What she _tried _to do. Maybe she was faking happy just to get away."

"NO! No. No..." I trail off. Unsure anymore. Maybe she _wasn't sick_. Maybe it was an excuse to leave. I'm unsure. Would my Leah do that? To herself. She'd tried before? What else could be keeping her from me but death?

The anger overwhelms me. I phase. Sam quickly follows.

_Jake...Don't do this. _

I ignore him. I have to run. I have to get away. I have to find Leah. _MY _Leah_._ I run. And run.


	16. Tied Together With A Smile:Taylor Swift

_I ignore him. I have to run. I have to get away. I have to find Leah. MY Leah. I run. And run. _

**"You cry but you don't tell anyone...and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone." Tied Together With A Smile - Taylor Swift.**

**Leah POV**

The other women are staring at me. I know they are. It's not just paranoia. They think I'm a bad mother. They're right. I am. I suck. I just can't bond with Harry. Not like I should. I care for him. But I don't always go to him when he cries. I resent him so much for tearing me and Jake apart. But I can't go back now. How would I explain myself to Jake? He'd never forgive me. And anyway. Why would he want _me? _ It's too late now. For everything.

They're looking at me weirdly. I know it. They think the baby's wrong with me. They think he should be with his father. Who would no doubt look after him a lot better than I do. That I could.

Rachel walks over to me. She's got a worried look on her face. She's obviously been pushed into coming and talking to me. She drew the short straw.

She tilts her head and reaches out a hand, resting it on my arm in a reassuring gesture. I can feel my heart beat quickening and the pain starting to swell within me. I'm about to crumble. In front of everyone.

"Leah..." she trails of, pausing to think what to say next. "We're _worried_ about you. Are you alright?"

I nod my head, an expression of panic and horror masking my face.

"Leah...we know you're not...we _hear _you. Crying." She smiles sympathetically and I wonder what they're thinking.

"What ever you running from, we can help you." Running from? Oh, nothing _just the father of my baby._

"Leah," she continues "we can help you."

No one can help me. I'm all alone in this world. We all are.

I choke back a sob. Bursting into tears in front of this woman will do me no favours. They'll think I'm just this crazy girl who ran away and had a baby. They'll doubt my capabilities as a mother. They'll either take away Harry or send me back. I can't do that. I can't face either option. I turn to run. Run. Before anyone notices how insecure and fragile you are. How broken.

I flee. Inside the safety of my bathroom I collapse back against the door, resting on the floor. My body is racked with sobs. It wasn't meant to be like this. It was never meant to be like this.

I look up at the sink, wiping my tears on the sleeve of my shirt. My eyes home in on the object I've been looking for. The object I want. Need. I know it's wrong. I know I'll get caught. But I don't care. I need this. I reach out my hand and grab the razor.


	17. Mother's Little Helper: The Beatles

**A/N: Sorry it's short. I might make it longer at a later date...**

_I know it's wrong. I know I'll get caught. But I don't care. I need this. I reach out my hand and grab the razor._

**"Mother needs something today, to calm her down." Mother's Little Helper - The Rolling Stones.**

**Leah POV**

I pull it close and hold it just above my right wrist. It's long sleeved shirts from now on. Can't have anyone finding out about this. What would they say? What would they think? No, I can't have anyone find out about his. My little secret. _Mother's little helper._

I pull in gently across my wrist. Not too deep. I don't want to die. Yet. I can't leave Harry all alone in this world. I just need to ease the pain. Ease the suffering. I just need to make it a little less painful, and a little easier to breathe. Because it's so hard right now, just to carry on breathing.

The blood wells up and trickles slightly down my arm, a single drop splashing onto the floor. It echoes in my mind like a comet hitting the earth.

Calm washes through me. I've need this. For so, so long. I've needed this more than anything. And I've been so good, so patient, for so long. I deserve this. This is my reward.

I cry again, tears washing down my face. It hurts, everything hurts. I remember Jake, his laugh, his smile, the warmth of his body. I let out another sob. It hurts. Why does it hurt so much? What did I do to deserve all this pain, all this suffering? It's like some never ending pool of misery and despair. Like nothing can ever go right. Nothing.

I wonder if Jake ever thinks about me. Does he remember me? Or am I just some girl he slept with. A girl whose name he barely remembers. A girl who ran away and left him. I wonder what he thought when he found me gone. How he felt. Was he pleased? To be finally rid of me. Like Sam was when he found Emily. Everybody moves on. Nobody really cares.

I hear a knock on the door. Somebody come to spy on me. Rachel? Or somebody else. Why can't they just leave me alone? Let me suffer alone. I don't need to drag anybody else down with me.

I wipe my tears away.

"Just a minute." I call out. My voice wobbles.

"Leah..." someone begs. They want me to come out so they can help me. So they can make sure I'm alright. See for themselves. I look around for a tissue to wipe away the blood.

I grab a tissue and wipe it across my arm, wincing slightly as it stings. I grab a plaster from the bathroom cabinet and stick it across my arm. The padding doesn't cover the wound but the plaster itself does. It means that no one will be able to see it bleed through my shirt and when I rip it off latter it will hurt. I don't care about the pain. I quite like it. I'd rather feel the physical pain than the emotional pain of my never ending tale of woe.

It's better to be in physical pain, it stops me thinking. And that has to be a good thing.


	18. Crucify: Tori Amos

The blood wells up and trickles slightly down my arm, a single drop splashing onto the floor. It echoes in my mind like a comet hitting the earth. My little secret. _Mother's little helper._

**"Why do we crucify ourselves?" Crucify - Tori Amos. **

**Leah POV**

I emerge quietly from the bathroom. I hold my arms tightly around myself, protecting, reassuring. I'm struggling to cope and I know that, but I don't need this woman here to see my failure, to see my suffering, to see my pain. I'd rather be alone. All I get from these women is annoyance. They're always asking me if I'm alright, if I need help. Why can't they just figure it out I don't need anyone and leave me alone. I mean, if I wanted anything I'd either ask or take it.

I look up from my thoughts into the eyes of Rachel. Rachel. She's always here, always following me, always asking if I'm Ok. I just want her to leave me alone. More than anything. I can't really face another conversation with her. The polite comments, the looks. The smile. How can anybody be so happy.

She smiles serenely at me and tilts her head to the side. I wonder if she's practised this. Did she do it in front of a mirror? Did she try it out on anyone else? She seems to have this perpetually happy cloud surrounding her. I wonder if it's fake. No person should be that happy. Especially not in this life.

"Leah..." she smiles again. "Leah, I just wanted to make sure that you're OK." She tilts her head and smiles. Again.

"I'm fine." I say. My voice wobbles. The tear tracks have almost worn groves in my face, my hair is a mess, my makeup is probably in a state, my face is probably all red and puffy...and I'm _fine._ That word seems to have lost all meaning. I've aid it so much that it seems to have lost its meaning.

Does anybody really mean it? Or is it just a stupid phase people say. A lie. To protect others' feeling. Or do others really mean it? Is it just me trapped in my own little world of un-fineness.

She rests her hand on my arm and I pull back slightly at the stinging sensation as she brushes over my cuts. She pulls back her hand and steps back. She thinks I just don't want people touching me. Maybe she thinks I'm anti-social. Or scared. Anyway I doesn't matter. I'll do and say anything to get her to back off, to get away from me.

"Look Rachel." I say, my voice sharp, "I don't need any help from you or anyone else. I'm perfectly fine on my own."

Her face suddenly twists into something unpleasant.

"You're clearly _not_" she hisses. "But whatever, if you don't want help there's only so much we can throw at you, and we _will._" She makes it sound like a threat.

She backs up away from me now. Making to leave. Good. I don't need her. I don't need anyone.

"Oh, and if you're looking for your baby, which you probably aren't, he's at mine."

Great. Now I have to face her wrath when I go to get him. Excellent. Just what I needed on top of another crappy day.

I slump into my room and collapse down onto my bed. I pull my knees up to my chest and cry.

**Rachel POV**

Some people just can't be helped. We try and we try. I mean we don't even know exactly where she came from except that she's from a local reservation. We try and we try. We all chip in and help look after her baby. That kid spends more time with us than her. And he's still so small.

Well just because she's rude doesn't mean I'm going to back off. It was tough here after my boyfriend left with me still here, and pregnant on top. But I got through it. She just has to suffer through it. Wait it out. It will get better.

I look in on my baby. He's three now. Climbing up on everything and being a general nuisance. I smile as I watch him, quietly sleeping now.

I look across at Harry, sleeping next to him. They'll grow up like brothers. The best of friends.


	19. She Left Me: Go Audio

"_I don't need any help from you or anyone else. I'm perfectly fine on my own."_

"_You're clearly not" she hisses. "But whatever, if you don't want help there's only so much we can throw at you, and we will." She makes it sound like a threat._

_I slump into my room and collapse down onto my bed. I pull my knees up to my chest and cry. _

**"All I got is this one note she left me." She Left Me – Go:Audio.**

**Jake POV**

I'm not going down without a fight. I have just as much right as an alpha as Sam. And Leah needs us. She's out there somewhere, looking for us. We just have to find her. But where could she be? We've looked almost everywhere.

I need to persuade the others. They've all agreed to abandon Leah because of Sam but I can get them back. I'll ask Seth first, then Quil and Embry first. If they all cave then the others will soon follow. They have to.

I see Seth sitting under a tree. His eyes are closed. I manage to sneak up to him without him noticing.

Suddenly he opens his eyes and jumped a little, startled. He looked at me quizzically.

"Sorry." He smiles. "I was thinking of Leah. She was so strong."

"She _is_ so strong." I growl. Seth looks a little taken aback.

"Jake, be realistic. We've looked everywhere and heard nothing. It's been year. And she was depressed before she left. It's not like she hadn't tried before.

I start to shake, the anger consuming me. Seth continues.

"We we're thinking of holding a memorial service for her." He says quietly.

"No!" I growl. "She's not _dead_, she's just...she's somewhere OK? She needs us."

Seth gets up of the floor and rests a hand on my arm.

"No." He shakes his head. "She doesn't need us. She doesn't need anything anymore."

"No..." My voice wobbles, there are tears in my eyes. "We were happy." I whisper it so quietly I don't know if he can even hear. "We were happy."

"_You _were happy." He corrects me. "But Leah? None of us ever knew what was going on inside her head. We never knew anything the first time."

I shake my head and turn to run. I have to go. Find someone else. Someone more sympathetic.

**Embry POV**

I wince as I see Jake coming towards me. He is not happy about the Leah situation. He'll just keep looking forever, permanently unable to age without his soul mate.

I start talking before he can ask me.

"Jake, mate, I'd love to help you. But I can't. We can't. You know we can't." He looks broken. "Jake, I'm really sorry, but I'm going to visit my mother's family anyway. Sorry mate."

He looks so lost and devastated. Am I making a mistake not going with him to look for Leah? I haven't seen my family in twenty years to another week is hardly going to matter. No. It won't just be another week. It will be however long until we find Leah. Forever.

"Jake...don't ask anyone else. No one's going to help. We all know that Leah's gone. You're the only one who can't seem to face that."

I back away from him. I can't deal with his pain right now. He has to get over this, she's not coming back. She's been gone a year and there's nothing out there that could stop Leah.


	20. Breathe Me: Sia

"_We were happy."_

"_You were happy." He corrects me. "But Leah? None of us ever knew what was going on inside her head. We never knew anything the first time."_

**"Help, I have done it again...Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no one else to blame." Breathe Me - Sia..**

**Leah POV**

It early morning. The sky is still dark out. I'm sitting on the floor of my bathroom. Again. Back against the wall, razor in my hand. Harry is still at Rachel's. She looks after him like her own son. She raises both of them. She's a much better mother to him that I am. I'm never there for him, I let him cry when I can't cope. He's probably better off without me. Rachel can raise him. He can be a brother to her baby.

I pick up the razor from the floor. There's a rusty copper tinge to the edge of the blade. From last time. My blood. Lying there, making the razor dirty, tarnishing it, and staining it. Like my heart's stained by life's constant disappointments and let downs. Like my hearts broken by Jake, by Sam, by everyone I care about, who all eventually let me down some when.

I look at my arm, ripping off the plaster covering it. Hiding it. There's an angry red line running down my arm. It's weird to look at it, to see it. Still there. Hurting. I like it. It distracts me. It wasn't like this before. It would heal almost instantly. Sometime I had to do it a lot to get a big enough release. And no one ever noticed, no one ever asked. And we can read each other's minds. I sometimes wonder if they really didn't know, if I did cover it up well, or if they just didn't care what happened to me, what I did.

I raise the razor again and press it into my arm. A little deeper than before, but still shallow. I don't have any magical healing powers anymore and lying unconscious in a pool of blood my alert the others to the fact that I am in some _serious_ trouble. And I don't want that. I don't need any more people busybodying their way into my life. I don't want them to send my back either. I _really_ couldn't face that. I couldn't face seeing Jake again. Or Seth or anyone. I couldn't face the pain I'd caused them by leaving.

Wait,_ what pain?_ The only one who suffered any pain at me leaving was me. They were probably all glad. They probably had some giant party to celebrate. I wonder what they said about me. Did they laugh at my pain, my misery, my suffering. Did they regret the Cullens saving me? Did the Cullens regret saving me? I don't know why they even bothered, why they even risked _everything_ just to help me. What did they think? That the pack would go after them, that they'd suspect them, my injuries were clearly self inflicted.

The stinging release sends a rush of pain...and pleasure coursing through my veins. I sigh and close my eyes tilting my head back and resting it against the door. It feels so good. Maybe even better than before. It fills my views and makes my head swim. It feels to good, like a high, but even better. My secret little addiction.

I can feel the tears beginning to rise up, threatening to escape from by body. I pull myself up off the ground and turn on the shower. Can't have anyone listening in on this. I strip off all my clothes and step into the shower. I crumple down to the bottom and sit on the floor of the shower letting the water cascade over my, drowning out my sobs. I tilt my head back, letting it trickle over my face. The sharp beads of water sting slightly as they hit my face. I tilt my head now letting the water create a veil, shielding me. Protecting me.

I take the razor and drag it across my skin again, piercing it and creating ting red droplets of blood. Adrenaline rushes through me. I need this. I need this _so_ much. More than I thought. More than anyone could imagine. The release of pain, adrenaline, the release from my suffering, from my pain is so calming I almost forget to breathe. I lie back, resting my head against the edge of the bath. I close my eye and just lie there, letting the water trickle slowly over my body.

After a while I notice the water starting to cool. I turn off the shower and step out. I wrap myself in a towel. I don't bother covering up my cuts this time. I don't care. I walk into my room and slip on a long sleeved shirt and a pair of jeans. Despite the fact it's warm out my skin is completely covered up. I wonder if people think I'm weird. And then I shake my head. I really don't care. Not anymore. I don't think I ever did. Not really. My life is just the massive black hole that sucks everything down with it.

I apply a lot of concealer to my face. I'm not a makeup person but I look awful and I just want everyone off my back. I don't want them thing _did someone hit her in the face? Oh wait, no; she just hasn't slept in six months. _I don't need anyone else pressuring me, trying to get me to talk. I just want o be left alone.

I step out of the front door, pulling it shut behind me. I might go for a walk, avoid Rachel. She can keep Harry for however long she wants. I don't care. She can take him. She's a better mother anyway. Harry probably likes her more than me anyway, I mean _who wouldn't_. Even I like her more than me and she annoys the crazy out of me.

I walk over to the clearing and sit under the big oak tree. I close my eyes and tilt my head, resting it against the bark over the tree.


	21. Another Now: Kate Alexa

_I walk over to the clearing and sit under the big oak tree. I close my eyes and tilt my head, resting it against the bark over the tree. _

**"And now you've gone away..." Another Now - Kate Alexa..**

**Sam POV**

I've agreed to come with Embry today. To meet his mother's family. It must be hard for him. He's never really had a family before except his mother; he doesn't know who his father is. All his life he's had to put up with the lack of family from his mother's side and the complete unknown on his father's side. He still doesn't know who his brother is and who his father is. That's got to be tough.

And anyway, we need a break from Jake. The fits or anger, his pain, his misery at the loss of Leah. His unrelenting campaign to get us to find her. As if she wants to be found. Nothing can stop Leah. Especially wolf-Leah. She stronger than some of the guys, I can't really see anything stopping her coming back if that was what she really wanted. Which means she obviously _doesn't_ want to come back.

So I offered to come today with Embry. We're going to meet his mother's family. For the first time. His mother never went back after she left and no one really knows what happened. But Embry wanted to meet them and they seem happy enough about it so here we are.

It's only a couple of hours to the Makah reservation. Not far. Nobody's been before though. Not for a long time. Not since Embry's mum arrived. People are a little panicky going there now; no one really wants to know who Embry's father is. It would only create more problems. Not just for Embry but for his father and his father's family. For the entire reservation.

We pull up on the reservation and get out. An older woman runs over to Embry and hugs him. She must recognise him; he looks a lot like his mother. Maybe it's His aunt. Grandmother. I decide to go for a walk. Embry will be fine, I'll meet him later; he needs this time alone with his family. Getting to know them, forging bonds.

I head in the direction of a large cluster of trees. There's a youngish women about my age, maybe a little older sitting under a tree. She looks upset. I walk over to her, hoping to comfort her. Nobody deserves to be hurt. And it will be a refreshing change from helping Jake.

I take a good look at her as I get nearer and my heart jolts. I'm rooted to the spot for a split second. I can't believe my eyes. Am I imaging her?

It's _Leah. _My heart fills with joy. _She's not dead. _ I'm overwhelmed with happiness. I move forward to go to her and she looks up letting out a started cry. She turns to move and run but she doesn't get very far. I quickly narrow the gap between us and catch up with her. Her werewolf abilities are seriously lacking!

Oh no...Wait. Is _that_ why she ran away? Was she scared we'd disown her or something? Did she think we'd abandon her because she was useless without her abilities? Did she think that little of us?

And then I hear a cry. A baby. Less than sixth months old. There's an older woman holding it and she's standing a few metres away from Leah. I watch as Leah stops running and turns to face her. Do they know each other? Of course they do, the reservation isn't that big. I watch Leah's expression. She looks horrified. What's happening? The woman whispers something to her and Leah shakes her head. She reaches out her arms and takes the baby and sooths it.

"Shush Harry; mummy won't let anything hurt you." _Mummy?!_

I gasp and take a step towards them. Leah spins round alarmed, her eyes wide with panic. My heart thumps erratically and twinge of pain shoots through me. I'd always imagined Leah having _my _baby. When we were together at least. It hurts to see she's moved on.

"_Please!_" She begs. "Don't tell Jake." The missing pieces all fall into place. Mummy. Jake. _Their Baby. _I'm torn between loyalty to Jake and my love for Leah. _A Baby!_ Jake would be so happy if he knew. A family. Him and Leah, just what he always wanted.

**Leah POV**

I catch sight of Sam and turn to run. _Please tell me he hasn't brought anyone with him. _Sam's quicker than me and he catches up. There's no way I can out run him, not with his werewolf abilities. I turn to run the other way and see Rachel with Harry. He's crying, his face a little red. She's bringing him towards me. _Please no._ Not now. I can barely cope with him at the best of time; I don't want to do this in front of Sam.

She sees my panic and catches my horrified expression and turns to look at Sam. I can see here weighing it up in her mind. _Is he a threat? A danger to the Baby?_ She quickly assesses the situation and turns to look at me.

"The father?" she whispers. I shake my head and reach out my arms to take Harry. I hold him in my arms protectively and lean his warm body against mine, struck by how soothing this is for both of us.

"Shush Harry; mummy won't let anything hurt you."

I hear a gasp from behind me. Sam. This wasn't how I wanted them to find out. I didn't want them to find out. Panic engulfs me again. I look at Sam.

"_Please!_" I beg. "Don't tell Jake."

The confusion clouding his eyes turns to comprehension. He understands. And he's shocked. I've created such a tangled web for myself and now I'm trapped, painted into a corner. Being suffocated by those that_ supposedly_ care for me.

This is such a big mess.


	22. Listen To Your Heart: DHT

_It's Leah. My heart fills with joy. She's not dead. _

_I hear a cry. A baby. Less than sixth months old. She reaches out her arms and takes the baby and sooths it._

"_Shush Harry; mummy won't let anything hurt you." Mummy?!_

"_Please!" She begs. "Don't tell Jake." The missing pieces all fall into place. Mummy. Jake. Their Baby. I'm torn between loyalty to Jake and my love for Leah. A Baby! Jake would be so happy if he knew. A family. Him and Leah, just what he always wanted._

**"Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you." Listen To Your Heart - DHT.**

**Leah POV**

I'm sitting in the kitchen, Harry sitting next to me in the highchair and Sam opposite me, a concerned expression on his face.

I can't believe Sam's here. The panic fills my veins. Did he bring anyone else?

He leans back in his chair.

"So..." there's an awkward pause. "You guys had a baby."

I wince. I can't let him tell Jake, I can't. I should have kept my mouth shut in the clearing, and then maybe he would have thought that the baby was someone else's. Or maybe not; Harry does look a lot like Jake. He reaches out a hand a rests it on my arm in a reassuring gesture. It hurts as he brushes against the cuts on my arm.

"Sam. You won't tell him will you?" I look up at him expectantly, biting my lower lip. He can't tell Jake. Jake would come here. Jake would be unhappy. Jake would find out about...Jake would take away my baby. The baby I neglect and don't look after as good as I should. The baby who takes up too much of my energy and patience. The baby I can't cope with. I let out a sob.

"Leah." He smiles sympathetically. "I won't tell anyone, not if you don't want to." I wonder if this is out of some sense of guilt. He messed me up so long ago. Or does he think that I can do a better job than Jake. Unlikely. I mean, who would let me within ten miles of a baby or small child? "Leah." He begins again. "I love you but...don't you think that maybe you should go back to Jake. Raise your baby together?"

"Harry." I correct. My breathing is quickening and my breaths are becoming more shallow. Sam quickly catches on. "Leah it's OK, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want...but I'd like to be able to tell Emily, if I can." I nod silently. My breathing is starting to return to normal. Jake can't find out. Jake can't know. "He misses you." Sam adds and sends my thoughts into turmoil.

Maybe I should go back. Be with Jake. Our family. Happy? Would it work or would I only create a bigger mess, more problems.

No, I think I'm better off alone. It's not as if I'm in any danger or trouble. My little habit doesn't hurt anyone, not really.

I can't let Sam know though. He would share my views. He'd freak out. He'd drag me back to La Push. And what a mess I'd create.

"I'm not coming back, Sam. I can't, I have a life here, I'm happy." What a lie. Can't he see that I'm crumbling into pieces? Can't he see that I'm breaking down. A shadow of my former self. And that wasn't all that great.

"Fine." He says. "I have to go now. I have to meet Embry. If you don't want to see he stay here."

I nod my head. That's definitely the better option.


	23. What Hurts The Most: Rascal Flatts

**A/N 3 more Jacob chapters before Jake saves the day & goes to find Leah. Will be uploaded Sunday so all of next week will be Leah & Jake. Also some people commented about Sam, asking why he didn't tell Jacob and reunite them. Answer: Sam's stupid. He left Leah, firstly and also since he still **_**loves**_** her (but that isn't as strong as an imprint) he just did what she asked. **

"_I'm not coming back, Sam. I can't, I have a life here, I'm happy." What a lie. Can't he see that I'm crumbling into pieces? Can't he see that I'm breaking down. A shadow of my former self. And that wasn't all that great. _

**"What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away." What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts. **

**Jacob POV**

I sit with the bottle of whisky in my hand, slumped over the table. The table in front of me looks like a pub after New Year's Eve. In the morning I'm going to have a major hangover, which for a wolf is pretty bad. There's a thumping in my head and a slight nausea rising up from my stomach.

This was supposed to wipe away the memories of Leah. Make me forget. Just for a little bit. But instead I'm sitting here, unable to forget. Pain blighting my every move, every thought and the only thing I've got out of this is a headache and a hangover. Brilliant. I raise the bottle to my lips and choke back another swig.

I'm so hurt by Leah, by everybody. The guys. Letting me down, abandoning her, abandoning us. I can't live without her. Surely they can see that. I'd know if she was dead, I'd know. And she's in trouble. And we have to save her. But I can't. I can't do this on my own. I need Sam. I need his help. Surely he'd want to help Leah. After everything he's done. After all the hurt he caused her. He can't just abandon her now. And never see her again. Never say goodbye. How can he cope with that? How is it not tearing him up inside. Like it's tearing me up inside.

I take another swig of the alcohol and in my haze I find myself confused. I thought the bottle was full and now it's empty. When did that happen? Surely I didn't drink that much? My head sway and I realise I did. And the bottles before that.

What will my dad think when he finds me in this state? Will he be angry? Or most likely sorry. He doesn't have the werewolf abilities, on the genes. So he can't see my pain like the others. But he's seen the others with their imprintees. The utter devotion. The inability to leave them. He must know my pain. You'd have to be blind to miss it. It jumps out and smacks you in the face like a train. Or maybe train wreck.

I have to go find Sam...Tomorrow. When I'm sober. I'll beg. I'll do anything. There must be something I can try. For Leah. It's all for Leah. Everything. I'd give my life to save her. I'd give Sam's too.

The world fades to black as I slump down onto the table.


	24. Stand Still, Look Pretty

**A/N: And Leah becomes a little more depressed and a little suicidal (again).**

_I have to go find Sam...Tomorrow. When I'm sober. I'll beg. I'll do anything. There must be something I can try. For Leah. It's all for Leah. Everything. I'd give my life to save her. I'd give Sam's too. _

**"I am slowly falling apart...you might think it's easy being me." Stand Still Look Pretty - The Wreckers..**

**Leah POV**

I stay seated as I watch Sam get up and leave. I wonder why it hurts so much when this was exactly what I asked for. I asked him to leave, I asked him not to tell Jake. I got what I wanted, what I asked for at least, after all this time of having my wishes refused, of having fate turn around and slap my in the face. Things are finally going right. Things are finally going the way I want them to.

And yet if feels...

It feels as if he's leaving me all over again, letting my wade through the pain alone. Abandoning me to cope alone, to raise Jake's baby _alone._ It feels as if I'm not getting my wish. Was this really what I wanted? To suffer. Alone. Like always. That's Sam for you.

Did he know that I was in so much pain? Was he oblivious, is he that stupid? Or was he doing it out of regret. Pity for the girl he broke so long ago now. Did he really think that leaving me, not telling anyone was for the best? Is Sam that stupid?

I get up from the table, leaving Harry in his high chair. He'll be safe there. He's always managed pretty much on his own. Without me, without his father. Without any family. He'll be safe for half an hour, just enough time to _sort myself out_. At least, that's what I tell myself I'm doing. Not destroying myself, not harming myself.

I'm letting out the pain. Letting it bubble to the surface. But still out of the sight of other people. I could never let anyone find out what I'm doing.

I drag myself into the bathroom and collapse onto the floor. Like always. I'm a quivering mess. A wreck. Destroyed. Destroyed by Sam, destroyed by life, torn apart by Jake. I'm surprised there's anything left of my heart. It seems as if everyone's out to get a piece of it, to tear it apart. To break it.

I grab the razor from above the sink and without thinking at all I quickly pull it across my wrist. It's almost subconscious now. Not to deep, unconsciousness would be noticed by the others. Not too low down on my arms or legs, nowhere that could be seen if my shirt slid up or something. Hidden. Like my feelings. Like my pain. This is becoming a habit. A bad one. Then again, what exactly is good in my life? Nothing.

I am slowly falling apart. Into pieces, nothing left but a broken mess, torn apart by all the people I care about. Who don't even care for me back. Unrequited love. Unrequited friendship. Hate. I wonder if they laughed at my pain. I wonder who _here_ laughs at my pain. The stupid little girl who got pregnant by some guy and had to raise her baby alone without even her family.

I've given everything for nothing. I've got nothing back in return for all the pain and suffering I've endured. What's the point? What's the point in living like this, with all this pain. For who? Certainly not for me. What do I get out of this. Nothing. I get nothing out of living.

Maybe they'd all be better off without me. Everyone would be better off without me.

But not tonight. Harry's out here in his chair. I don't know who'd find him, how long it would take. I couldn't let anything happen to him. Not my baby, Jake's baby.

I wipe away the tears staining my face and pull myself up so I'm leaning over the sink. I turn on the tap and let the water gush out. I stick my arm under the stream of water sucking in a deep breath as the water stings my arm. I let the tap run until the water turns back to clear. I wash off the razor and place it about the sink. Safe. For future use. Clean.

Time to face the world. One day at a time, just keep going until you can't take it anymore, that's my motto. Keep going, keeping smiling, keep saying _I'm fine. _No one really cares anyway.


	25. MULTI CHAPTER, MUST READ

**A/N: I know it's long, I know I'm late updating. So there was supposed to be nine chapters between yesterday's and tomorrow's chapters but I've had some complaints about it dragging out so I'm smushing them all into this one. Because I still wanted to include the songs I'd originally planned this chapter is still spilt up with the songs....**

**If anyone has any comments, if they want me to separate them into nine chapters and reupload or whatever , any thoughts just post it in review. I like reviews. Even bad ones as long as they're not COMPLETLY horrible. **

**As a last comment if anyone has any ideas about an ending just say. I'm not sure at the moment whether to cut it off after the climax and solve the issue of an ending or whether to make it an epilogue a few years down the line with them happy but not perfect, I don't want it turning into one of those stories that are really fake at the ending with the two main characters falling in love, getting married and having babies...**

**Anyway: **

**"Waiting for your call I'm sick, call I'm angry, call I'm desperate for your voice." Your Call - Secondhand Serenade. **

**Jacob POV**

I'm dimly aware of a thumping inside my head and a loud noise coming from outside

"Jake, as your alpha I'm telling you to stop looking for Leah and to get a grip."

"You're not the boss of me." I growl back. "I'm _your_ alpha."

"You lost your rights to alpha when Leah left. What kind of man drives away him imprint."

I take a step back as the verbal blow literally sends my sideways. Is that what they think? That I drove her away? What a mess. What have I done? Did _I_ do this to her?

I look up and there's guilt in his eyes. Suspicion leaps in my mind _two plus two equalling a hundred and nine._

"What did you do to her?" I growl, stepping menacingly towards him. "WHAT DID YOU DO!"

"Jake, chill..." I ignore him and advance slowly on him as he continues to back away.

"What did you do Sam? Did you hurt her? So help me..." he cuts me off.

"_You _did this Jake. _You _drove Leah away."

I freeze.

"What do you know?" It's almost a whisper. He stop backing up and looks away, guiltily.

"Nothing." He whispers back. He's lying. It's obvious. Anger consumes me and I pounce.

I'm aware of the other guys entering the room. They must have heard the noise. I phase and start clawing at his face. Sam quickly follows. The starches bleed and heel in the space of a second, new ones forming almost before the old scratches can heal. The others pull me off and I let out a howl.

_How could you do this._ I think to him. I feel a wave of pain, guilt wash back.

Suddenly I'm in his mind and I'm looking at Leah. How old is this memory? I stare at her and then I realise. He knows where she is. He's seen her. _Is this why you told me to stop looking?_ _Do you know where she is? TELL ME_.

He shakes his head and I let out a growl. I turn to run. I head for the coast. Just keep running. Running and running.

**"I'm in too deep and trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under." In Too Deep - Sum 41. **

**Leah POV**

I wipe away the tears that are falling from my eyes and stare at the phone lying inanimate in my hand.

I have the number memorised. I've thought about calling a million times. But I haven't. Not yet. I've never managed to work up the courage. Like the failure I am. Like the waste of space I am. I can't even work up the courage to call my family, to call Jake. Let them know I'm not dead. Let them know I'm fine. _Fine._ What a joke. Nothing could be further from the truth. I'm in a worse state now than I was before I attempted suicide. My first suicide attempt.

Will there be another? Soon? Or will something, _someone,_ save me?

Probably not. I've always been alone in this life, struggling to find my way. Coping with the numerous blows that life keeps chucking my way.

I wipe away the tears, again. It seems like I'm always doing this, letting the world get me down, and then crying my heart out. Broken, shattered. Destroyed under the weight of life's many expectations and catastrophes. Why does it always seem to happen to me? Everything bad. It's always me, as if I'm some sort of bad luck magnet.

I quickly dial the number, Jake's, waiting as it rings, once, twice. What will I say? What could I say...? Should I tell him? No. Tell him nothing. Just let him know you're Ok. That you're alive. That you won't be coming back. Ever.

The phone keeps ringing. Eventually someone picks up. It's Billy. _Where's Jake? _

"Hello, I say, I'm looking for Jake." My voice is muffled by my hand. I hope he doesn't recognise my voice over the phone. I'm in luck; he doesn't appear to recognise me.

"Jake?" he sounds confused. Then he sighs. "I can pass on a message."

I slam the phone down. Where could he possibly be? Is he out with a girl? Some slut? Bella? Did she leave Edward? I always hated that girl, so much more beautiful than me, impossibly pale. Breakable. She needs someone to look after her much more than I do. It's not like I'm going to die. At least not at the hands of someone else.

**A/N: It takes 15 hours to walk from La Push to Makah...in real life. I know Jakes fast but he'll have to stop for breaks.**

**"Where are you, I'm so sorry." I Miss You - Blink 182.**

**Jake POV**

I ignore him. I ignore the shout, the growls, and the _thoughts_ of the others. I have to run. I have to get away. I have to find Leah. _MY _Leah_._ I run. And run. Head to the coast. Don't stop. Keep running. To the coast. Towards Canada. I'll start looking. I'll search everywhere. She's alive. She's alive and well. I'm so happy, despite everything. She's alright and that's all that matters.

I run and run. I'm heading North, towards the coast. At my pace it she reach water in about seven hours. And just keep going. North. Stay there. For a while, just until things settle down.

Because I sure can't cope with Sam at the moment. I can't stand to look him in the face _knowing_ that _he knows_ where Leah is. My Leah. My beautiful Leah.

Maybe I'll even stop off at Makah for a rest, it's right on the coastline. One last stop before I start swimming. And keep going until my energy fades and the water sucks me under. Like the sea of depression sucking me under.

I shake my head. _No Jake, you can't abandon Leah. She's there, looking for you. Somewhere._ Maybe she's just scared. Maybe she's just scared to come back. Maybe Sam threatened her off. Maybe he thought that she was interfering with his and Emily's relationship. Maybe he sent her away.

That's a lot of maybes. A lot of maybes without answers.

I keep running. Block out the past, block out the pain. Block out the thoughts.

**"Everytime I see you in my dream, I see your face, its haunting me." Everytime - Britney Spears**

**Leah POV**

I look at Harry, lying in his cot. Asleep peacefully. Finally. He's always up to trouble, he always needs something.

I look at his face and marvel at the perfect reflection of Jake staring back at me. Haunting me.

Did I do the right thing, leaving Jake? Was it the right thing to do? Or did I just make a bigger mess for all of us. Digging a bigger whole. And now I'm in so deep I can't get out on my own. I'm in so deep I can't even call for help.

**"I'm not alright, I'm broken inside." I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real.**

**Leah POV**

Where did it all go wrong? My life? What happened to me to turn me into this miserable shell of a person. With no one to help her, no one to care for her.

What happened to me? Did I do something wrong in a past life? Something terrible? Is this my punishment, all this pain now?

I don't think that's fair. There's nothing I could have done to deserve this pain, this suffering. There's nothing in this world that could make anybody deserve this level of pain.

I break into sobs. They tear through my body as I crumple to the floor, cradling my knees up into my chest.

It hurts, it hurts so much. I wipe my eyes and look up at the object lying above the sink.

**"Let it bleed." Let It Bleed - The Used.**

**Leah POV**

I drag myself to the sink, a mess, a wreck and reach out my hand to grab it. I need this so much. So, so much.

I take the razor and press it deeply into my arm. The blood quickly pools to the surface, rushing up and before I can stop it or press a towel to it, the blood trickles down my arm and onto the floor. The dripping reverberates inside my head, echoing again and again.

**"Wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees." Superman - Five for Fighting.**

**Jake POV**

I stop running and slump down against a tree. I'm about half way there. I've been running for three hours. My lungs are burning slightly from running so fast, for so long.

It hurts. Nothing like the pain that it causes me not having Leah. It almost feels good, the pain. A warm kind of burning in my chest, my arms, my legs. Distracting me from the pain of Leah, the feeling of hopelessness.

The pain quickly fades, replaced with energy and warmth. _Werewolf abilities._

I stand up and brush the leaves off from myself.

Keep running. Run until you find hope. Run until you find happiness. Run until you find Leah. Run forever.

Three more hours until the coast, if I'm going in the right direction. Follow the sun above. Keep running. Run until you find Leah.

**I sometimes wanna die." Sometimes Wanna Die - Joydrop.**

**Leah POV**

It hurts so _so _much. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how to cope anymore. I can't even go one day without crying, without hurting myself. I've dragged myself into this hole and all I've done over the last year is make it bigger. Digging away. Not burying my pain. And I'm in _so _deep. I'm in too deep.

Should I end it all? Should I take away my pain, once and for all.

Is it the right thing to do? To leave Harry, to leave this world. To kill myself, with Jake, my Seth, with Sam not knowing what happened to me.

Will Sam feel guilty when he comes back, when he finds out what I did, what he didn't notice? Will he feel guilty for not noticing, for hurting me in the first place? _For breaking my heat and setting off this circle of misery and despair._ Do I bring this pain on myself? Do I cause it? Am I some kind of suffering magnet? Or do I cause it by being so depressive and miserable that everybody else runs away, that everybody else abandons me.

Was my entire life some giant, catastrophic mistake? Some twist of fate that sent the entire world spiralling downwards, out of control, my suffering, my pain, thrown out onto other. Others that I care about.

Is this right that I should be in so much pain, in so much suffering?

Is this what I deserve?

What for? What did I do?

Fate just seems unable to let me go on with my life, unsuffering. Isn't it bad enough I'm the _only_ girl werewolf? Isn't that pain enough? But no, all this pain just keeps getting heaped on top of me. Like it has nowhere else to go.

**"I find myself, wanting to die." Dear Angel - April Sixth**

**Leah POV**

So I make my decision. I can't take it anymore. I can't take the pain, I can't to Harry. I can't take Jake. And I can't take the way that I just seem to be abandoned, again and again by the people I love. An end to my suffering, and end to _their _suffering. Everybody I've ever hurt, everybody I've ever cared for. Its better this way, I think. Better to end it now, save the pain. Better to end it now than draw out the misery.

Besides. We all die anyway, some when. Except the vampires. All I'm doing is speeding up the process, accelerating the circle of life.

Destroying fate, ripping apart my life. Nothing new there, since when did _I_ do things right. I should just do the opposite of what I _want_ to do. But then that would probably be wrong too, knowing my luck. MY awful, cursed luck.

What did I do? Break a million mirrors? I certainly don't remember doing it. I think I'd remember something like that. I don't deserve this pain, this misery this suffering.

I need an end, and end to this, and end to suffering. It's for the best, for my, for everyone. For Harry.

My heart lurches as I remember him. What will happen to him? He has no family here. No one. He'll be all alone without me.

Will Rachel look after him? Will she raise him like another son? Or will he be left to suffer like I've always been left to suffer. Is it some family curse?

Rachel will look after him, she's a good person, and she'll protect him. The innocent little waif. The orphan. Besides she's spent more time raising him than I have. He probably likes her more than more. Heaven knows everybody else does. _I wonder what Jake would think if he met her, would he fall in love with the woman who raises his son. _I choke back another sob. Now's not the time for hysterics.

I have to keep a clear head, be sensible. I have to do what's best for me, now. Move forward. _Take my life._ Press a little deeper with the knife, quickly bleed out, surrounded by a pool of my own blood. Quicker this time, quicker than last time.

So I've made my decision, and I know I'll go through with it. I'm not the kind of person who backs out of something. I didn't last time and I won't this time.

_Death is peaceful, easy. Life is harder._

I've made my decision. It ends tonight.


	26. It Ends Tonight: All American Rejects

**A/N: Again I've compressed a few chapters into one. This story should be finished this week...**

**"Your subtleties, they strangle me...maybe its best you leave me alone...it ends tonight." It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects.**

**Leah POV**

I knock on Rachel's door and wait, Harry in my arms, squirming as usual. He just doesn't like me, but then again, who can blame him. With me as a mother. I mean, who would want me. No one. I'm just this crazy girl who hurts myself. Why would anyone want that? I'm scared and broken and damaged. There's nothing that could make anybody want me, certainly not Jake. So why bother, end it now. End it now.

_I wonder what Sam and the others would think if they could see me now, see what they've done to me. If they could hear my thoughts, the ones I've spent so long hiding from the others. My body too quick to heal for them to ever notice otherwise. They wouldn't understand. They wouldn't. Not the intense desire I feel, the need, the power, the utter hopelessness to try and resist. Futile, it won't work. Besides, it not as if they'd ever listen intentionally now anyway, they've all learnt better than to pry inside my brain._

She opens it and her face brightens. She likes to think I'm getting out, doing stuff, and being happy. She wrong. I fake a smile at her.

"Hey, Rachel, I was just wondering if you could watch Harry for a day, maybe two." I smile and tilt my head. _Fake happy. Just copy what she does._ She smiles back at me and rests her hand reassuringly on my arm.

"Sure," she say, "it's no problem, one extra mouth, especially as he's so small." My heart clenches. I'm abandoning him. He'll be all alone. Like her. "Can I ask where you're going." She tries to be friendly but I can see the curiosity behind her eyes.

"I'm going to see Jake. I'm going to tell him, then we're going to move home, together." _A lie._ It will be too late when she finds out. They'll be nothing she can do except raise Harry and ring Jake. If he even cares.

Will anyone come to my funeral? I doubt it.

None of the wolves will come, none of my family, none of my friends. _What friends? No one really cared about you. _The pain hits me again. It hurts. It always hurts. You would think I'd be numb to it by now. _Time heals all wounds._ That's a lie, time heals nothing.

**Rachel POV**

I'm so happy Leah's finally facing her problems, going to see the father of her baby. I'd have done anything she asked.

It's so great to finally see her being given her chance at happiness.

I've seen Leah in pain for so long now, it's good to see her getting out, and it's good to see her finally facing her demons, going to see the father. The father she clearly still has feelings for. And maybe he can help her.

**Leah POV**

I let myself in, not bothering to lock the door behind me. It'll be easier for the others to come in and find me that way.

_Slowly making my way inside, careful not to cry; I drop my bag by the door and drag myself into the bathroom. Cautious not to make any loud noises and risk disturbing anyone, I close the door and, leaning against it, slide down onto the floor, collapsing in a heap at the bottom._

I walk over to the kitchen table and take a piece of paper. I sit down and stare at the blank page. What should I write?

_Jake._ What else? What should I say? _I'm sorry._ That's enough, I don't think I could say anything else. I don't know what to say. Is there any way to say _he's yours_ in a letter? No, I'll leave that problem for someone else.

_When did it all become such a mess? Sam. Emily. Dad. Jacob and that stupid leech-lover. My life just suddenly seemed to spiral out of control. Is it fair? Sometimes I don't think that word should ever exist. It certainly doesn't in my life. And now it's all too much, I can't go on any more, struggling and coping and waiting for the next tragedy to hit, to send me running back into myself._

I take another piece of paper and write Rachel's name at the top. _I know you'd tried to help me,_ I start. What else? _But I'm sorry. _Should I explain? Should I explain how hard it is?_ But I've dug myself a hole I can't escape from._ I fold the paper in half and leave it on the table. I get up and walk into the bathroom. An unnatural calm has spread over me, filling me views, drowning out all the panic, the pain.

_I lift my arm and wipe it slowly across my face. Drying the tears that never cease to run, that nobody ever seems to see. Reaching out blindly I grasp hold of the sink and pull myself up. I quickly locate the object of my desire. My razor. The sharp blade that holds all the answers and promises. The only thing that keeps me going._

_I push up my sleeve and stare at the blank, clean slate that is my arm. It never ceases to amaze me that no matter how many times I do this to myself, a mark is never left._

_What would happen, if one day I pushed a little deeper, hitting a vein, and artery. Would I bleed out? Or would I heal far too quickly anyone to notice, leaving nothing but a mess that I'd have to clean up and hide._

I take the razor and push up my sleeves. There are scratches criss-crossing my arms. I'm ugly, scared. How could anybody want me.

I take the blade and push it deeply into my arm, pulling it up vertically, severing the actual veins rather than creating a little pain, a little blood.

It gushes from my arm and dizziness sweeps over me. Despite the pain and lack of strength in my arm I take the blade and drag it across the flesh on my other arm.

_I lift the razor to my wrist. Like a surgeon my cuts are precise, accurate. I know what I'm doing. I've done this far too many times to count now. Dragging the knife back across my wrist, I hiss at the fresh sting of pain. It feels so good, much better than I was expecting, even after my crappy day. Raising the knife again I push it deeper into my wrist this time. __End it. End it now before you back out. __Slicing through a major artery my head quickly begins to spin. There's no way I can survive this surely? Raising the knife again I pull it sharply and deeply across my other wrist._

It will be quick, my death, so much more peaceful than life.

**"How could this happen to me, I've made my mistake, got nowhere to run." Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me) - Simple Plan.**

**Jake POV**

I can see the trees surrounding the edge of the Makah reservation. I should stop here. Get some food, take a break. Carry on tomorrow. Even with my abilities, running across America really takes it out of you.

I slow down my pace and phase back into my human form. I wouldn't want to shock anybody.

As I make my way onto the reservation I see a young woman with two small children. One is a few years old, maybe two, the other, a very tiny baby is only a few months old.

She looks up and sees my face. The colour drains from hers and she looks overwhelmingly startled. She almost drops the baby and I rush forward to catch it. I'm there in a second and I wrap my arms around the fragile form.

"Jake?" she whispers timidly. I'm confused, I'm sure I haven't met this woman before.

"Have we met?" I ask, confused. She shakes her head.

"I've seen pictures, Leah has pictures."

My head snaps up. _Leah._ She knows Leah, she knows where she is.

"Where is she I growl." Menacingly. She doesn't flinch. Something else has her terrified.

"She said...she said...she said she was going to find...you." I step back shocked. She went back for me? A loud sob wakes me from my reverie. What's wrong?

"I...She...We all knew she was hurting herself..." I growl at her and she looks up alarmed. "I think she may have done something stupid." She whispers.

My heart lurches and I stumble.

"_Where is she?"_ I growl at her.

"She'll be at home." She whispers and I almost can't hear her above the crying.

I pass her back the baby and turn to run, following her direction. I quickly find Leah's scent, and something else that makes my heart lurch. Blood.

**"I'm not a princess; this ain't a fairytale...now it's too late for you and your white horse." White Horses - Taylor Swift.**

**Leah POV**

_I briefly wonder what they'll think when they find me. Will they feel pity? Remorse? Sorrow? Doubtful. The dots in front of my eyes begin t blur together as the rushing in my ears starts roaring and bubbling over. My last thought is of my brother Seth._

The blood is quickly pooling around me. Its' sticky and I can smell the bitter copper, stinging my nose.

I'm happy, I think. Happier than I've been for a long time. This was the right thing to do. Whatever happens now, at least I've escaped life, escaped from the pain and suffering it seems to be constantly causing me.

I can feel the darkness begin to overwhelm me. It will be soon now. Not much longer.

_And then I close my eyes, as the door suddenly splinters into thousands of pieces._

I'm vaguely aware of banging at the door. Rachel? I'm unable to finish me thought. The darkness sucks me under.


	27. How To Save A Life: The Fray

**A/N: Just so I don't have to explain later, when Jake sees Leah the imprint kicks in and she gets her werewolf abilities back, so she can age along with her imprint.**

_I'm vaguely aware of banging at the door. Rachel? I'm unable to finish me thought. The darkness sucks me under._

**"I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life." How To Save A Life - The Fray.**

**Jake POV**

I quickly follow the scent of blood. _Leah's blood. _Is she dead? I make my way towards the bathroom, where the smell is the strongest. My stomach lurches. Please Leah, no, let it be my imagination, please don't have hurt yourself. _Please don't be dead._ I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live without her. Knowing that I had the rest of forever, haunted by my own guilt, my inability to get there in time, to reason with Sam before it was too late.

I enter the bathroom, where the smell is the strongest, and I'm confronted by Leah lying in the middle of a poor of blood that seems to be leaking from her arms. She looks a mess, her hair is all mussed up and her eyes are red and puffy from crying.

_Leah._

I quickly rush to her side and press one of the bathroom towels to her arms. Her skin is ice cold next to mine and my heart lurches, please no, not my Leah. I would do anything to keep her alive. I'd even have her turned into a vampire, into one of _them. _Anything to keep her here with me, in any form. I suddenly notice the scars and for a minute I wonder how she got them. _And then it clicks._ Self-harming. My Leah. My poor Leah. I frown as I wonder my they haven't healed, surely they should have disappeared instantly with her werewolf abilities. Oh. She left because they stopped working? It's a question in my mind but I already know the answer. My poor Leah. Suffering through all of this alone.

I look at Leah's face and suddenly there are a million string again, tying me to her. My heart leaps at the feeling, it feels so good. To be here with her, to have her, alive, no matter how weakly she clings to life. It's worth it, everything's worth it to have her here in my arms again.

I lift her off the floor, aware of the woman from earlier trailing behind me. She's still crying and I'm angry at her for not spotting this, for not stopping Leah. She should have noticed, if they're such good friends. She should have protected Leah, she should have _called me._

Sam. Sam should have noticed. He saw her only weeks ago when he came up with Embry. He should have noticed something was wrong, clearly these self inflicted wounds are more than a few weeks old. He should have told me, he should never have stopped me finding her. The anger welling up inside me makes me what to tear him into a thousand pieces. Destroy him, like her nearly destroyed me and Leah.

I carry her through to the bedroom and place her on the bed. Blood drips onto the sheets but I ignore it. She'll probably complain when she wakes up. I grab the towel and notice the blood already starting to stop flowing. Her skin is beginning to knit together again and her scars already appear lighter than earlier. Are her werewolf abilities working again? Did they stop because she left? I rip away her shirt with my hand, leaving her arms bear. _What did Carlisle do last time?_

I try to think but all I can remember him doing is stitches. There's no way I'll be able to do that, not on Leah. Stabbing a needle into her delicate arms. I couldn't hurt her anymore than she has been already._ Apply pressure._ I lift of the towel to check the bleeding. The cuts have already scabbed over and my heart leaps. She'll be OK, she'll be alright. It's all I could ask for.

Stupid Leah. What were you thinking? Didn't you think about the pain that this would cause me?

I reach into my pocket and drag out my mobile. I ring Carlisle and ask him to come out immediately, to check up on Leah. I know he won't be here for hours, but now that the bleeding is starting to slow I feel better about my ability to keep her alive until then.

I look up and the woman has excused herself from the room. It's probably a good thing, she has her two babies to look after. That must be a struggle in itself and I wonder if Leah helps her out with the children.

**

I sit here now, hours later. Leah's resting; Carlisle assures me she's alright. He says she'll wake up, I just need to give her time to rest, time to heal. _Time heals all wounds._ Clearly that saying's not true, otherwise Leah would never be in this situation in the first place. Whatever has been haunting her would have gone away.

What it felt like, being there, right on the edge of losing Leah. It was unbearable. The thought of losing her and never being able to tell her I loved her. It was beyond imagination. I couldn't have coped with that, I couldn't have coped with losing her. The pain would have dragged me under.

I reach out my hand and brush it along her arm. The scars are beginning to fade as her werewolf abilities restart. Already she feels warmer beneath my touch. I smile. It's good to see her visibly healing before my eyes. It makes me happy. Her major wounds have been sutured shut by Carlisle despite the fact they were already healing. It feels to good to see her better.

But still, why did her werewolf abilities stop, and why did she run away? All my questions are still unanswered. They run through my mind and I can't wait until she's better so we can phase. And then I can have a good look inside her head.

I lean over and press a kiss against her lips. Her eyes flicker open and she sighs contently. Her eyes are unfocused and hazing and she appears a little confused. Awareness quickly returns to her eyes as she remembers and she looks away. It's too late for that, I have questions to be answered.


	28. Now You KnowCome Clean: Hilary Duff

**A/N: 3 more songs left that I may or may not compress into one chapter...**

_I lean over and press a kiss against her lips. Her eyes flicker open and she sighs contently. Her eyes are unfocused and hazing and she appears a little confused. Awareness quickly returns to her eyes as she remembers and she looks away. It's too late for that, I have questions to be answered._

**"My heart's just about to break open...There's something you should know." Now You Know - Hilary Duff.**

**Leah POV**

I'm surrounded by a dense fog. My head is fuzzy and I'm confused. I can feel sunlight flickering down onto my face and it seems wired that I should be sleeping during the day, when it's so bright out. The warm sun kisses my face and for a long time since I don't know when I feel calm and reassured. It's as if all of my problems have disappeared, as if they're finally someone here to save me.

I feel a shadow bend over me and I wonder what, or who it is blocking out the sunlight that felt so good against my skin. The sun that reassured me. Soft lips press against mine. Gently, but firmly. Familiar lips.

My eyes snap open. _Jake. _I sigh contently. I love him, him being here makes everything so much better in itself. I stare at him and wonder why he's here, leaning over me, _kissing me._ I frown slightly at him, wondering what's happening. What am I doing here, sleeping in the middle of the day, with Jake leaning over me, giving me kisses.

And then I remember. Everything. It comes back and hits me like a freight train. _My suicide attempt._ All the pain, all the misery. Then what is Jake doing here, if I'm dead, why are we both here. Is this my imagination playing tricks on me? Or is it a hallucination. Oh no, please don't let Jake be dead. II left so he could have a long and happy life. And he's dead too?

Wait...his lips felt warm? Are we really both dead? I think back and remember knocking on the door, right before I lost consciousness. _Did Jake save me? Or did someone call him?_ I really hope he didn't find me, I really hope it wasn't him who found me, lying there on the floor surrounded by blood.

He brushes a hand over my face and tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear. The gesture makes my heart flip over and I smile. Happiness for the first time in so long. Warmth and happiness. It feels so good, spreading down my body, filling my veins. Like a really good shot of whiskey. Or vodka.

"I found you." He says. "Finally." The smile disappears and my face immediately freezes and my eyes open wide in panic. Please _no._ Don't be true. "Lee, sweetheart, please don't get worked up. I don't care, as long as you're safe, that's all that matters."

I lean back against the pillow, my heart still beating much too quickly. Thoughts are running through my head but Jake's reassuring words have calmed me a lot.

**"I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away." Broken - Amy Lee.**

**Jake POV**

I watch as Leah sinks back into the pillow. She looks slightly more reassured but I can still see the worry in her eyes. _She shouldn't have left._

"Carlisle came over and checked up on you. He didn't say much, just checked you over. He seemed preoccupied." Guilt, I think. For letting Leah leaves, for helping her leave.

She smiles weakly at me but I can see in her eyes that she is still preoccupied. With what? What has she got to worry about now that we're together again, what else matters as long as we're together.

I rub my hand against her arm, almost unscarred now. She freezes, remembering the scars and wounds inflicted on her arms. She's worrying about my reaction. I rub her arm soothingly. She looks down and notices her unscarred arms, at least unscarred apart from the wounds from the last suicide attempt.

She smiles.

"I've been looking for you for so long." I pause and take a look at her. I almost can't believe that we're here now, together. It almost seems like my mind is playing tricks on me, taunting me with the loss of her. It's as if this is all a dream and I'm about to wake up and find myself alone, again. Searching in the dark for Leah.

I look down and just watch her. She looks back up at my silently and we stare into each other's faces for a minute. It's been so long since we've been together.

**Leah POV**

I'm about to open my mouth and say something when Rachel walks in holding Harry. Jake looks up at her a smiles. My heart flips over. This isn't good, this won't end well. I can feel things starting to spiral again, out of my control.

"Do you want me to look after your baby so that you can talk to Lee?" he asks her.

My mind goes into panic. No, stop. I want the whole ground to open up and swallow me, to make this whole world go away before anything happens, before anyone says anything. I open my mouth but like watching in slow motion, it's too late to do anything.

Rachel tosses him a confused look.

"Harry's not mine," she says "he's Leah."

**"Let the rain fall down, I'm coming clean." Come Clean - Hilary Duff.**

**Leah POV**

"_Harry's not mine," she says "he's Leah."_ She frowns at him and then realises her mistake as she sees the expression on his face. She turns and looks at me. "He doesn't know?" she asks, horrified.

"He didn't." I reply.

She looks to Jake who stands there frozen and then back at me, afraid.

"I'll take Harry while you talk." She says. She looks at me, slightly whispering, praying, for forgiveness.

"No."

The shout breaks us both out of our conversation. It's Jake. He's walking over to Harry. I watch, transfixed as he reaches out his arm and gently takes harry in his arms. Carefully, gently. I stay perfectly still, watching as he Harry reaches out his hand and touches Jake's face. Harry giggles and Jake smiles. Is this happiness?

For now.


	29. All I Want Is You: Barry Louis Polisar

**"I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven." Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. **

**Several weeks later, still at Makah.**

**Jake POV**

I look down at Harry, _my baby,_ resting gently in my arms. He's so warm and lively. And friendly. He's taken so easily to me and though I can see Lee standing nervously in the corner often I've walked in on her on multiple occasions singing gently to Harry. And I know they're bonding. Whatever troubles Lee's had with him seem to be easing as she becomes more attached to him. Now that all the pressure has been lifted off of her she seems to be doing a lot better than before.

And I've been speaking to Rachel, and Leah, just talking. And Lee's really opened up to me, to us. It's good to see her bonding with a friend.

I look up as Leah enters the room. She looks at me and smiles. She walks over and brushes her hand over his head, simultaneously bending down and brushing a kiss against my lips.

I wait for her to sit down next to me before I start to speak. I'm not sure how she's going to take this. I mean, she's been better than before by all accounts but still, sometimes I see this look in her eye and I know that it will still be a long way, a long road until she's better, until she's happy.

And I'll do everything I can to make her happy, I'll do anything. And I'll be here forever, for the rest of our lives I'll stand by her side, I'll protect her. I turn to face her and anxiously I start to speak.

"Let's go home."

**"Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway." Courage Is... -The Strange Familiar.**

**Leah POV**

My heart lurches and panic fills my veins. _Home._ What will the others think? Seth, Mom. And what about Sam. Can I really face seeing him after all the lies I told.

Jake takes my hand and rests his other hand under my chin.

"Lee, we're going him. _I'm _going home, with Harry. And I'm taking _you_ with me." He smiles. "Even if I have to sedate you."

The corner of my mouth twitches.

***

All my bags are packed, ready for the journey home. My heart is thumping painfully in my chest and there are butterflies the size of elephants inside my stomach. I don't know if I can do this. I'm scared. I'm scared of what the others will say, I'm scared of what they'll think. I'm scared that I'll fall down once again and this time everybody will be here to watch me.

Jake walks through the door holding Harry.

"Everything packed?" he asks. I nod my head, silently.

He passes Harry to me who instantly clings to my body. It's weird to think we've gotten this close in such a short amount of time. Then again, maybe we were always this close and I just didn't notice, too preoccupied with my pain, rather than everybody else around me.

We step outside and lock the door behind us. Rachel is waiting by the car that Carlisle loaned us. He thought we'd need a way back, with Harry. She smiles and walks over to us. She wraps her arms around me and Harry.

"I'm going to miss you both so much." She says.

"Hey, what about me?" Jake asks.

"Yes." She says dryly. "I'll miss you _so _much, eating all my food."

I laugh. I'll miss her too. It's been really good the last few weeks, Jake and Rachel, both there to support me. Both caring for me, helping me. And for the first time, me accepting that help.

I put Harry in his car seat and climb in the passenger side.

***

The car pulls to a stop and I open my eyes. We're here. My heart thumps. Time face the music, face the consequences of my actions. Time to face my friends, my family. I want to turn and run but I keep going forward. I turn to look at Jake, who smiles at me. And then I reach out my hand and open the door.

**"All I want is you, will you be my bride." All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar.**

**Leah POV**

Everybody's gathered. Here to welcome the return of the prodigal son. _Daughter._ And Jake. And Harry. I turn to face Jake, turn to run, but his arm snakes around my waist, pulling my closer, trapping me. I shoot him a worried glance and he brushes a kiss against my cheek.

"It will be alright." He says. He seems so sure of himself, so confident. So certain I won't mess this up, like I seem to mess everything up.

Mom rushes forward and wraps her arms around me and Harry. She cries into my shoulder, overwhelmed by happiness. Did she miss me that much? Me? _Why?_ She stops crying for a second and wipes her tears against the sleeve of her shirt. She smiles at me.

"It's good to have you back Leah." She says. I smile. Are they really glad to have me back? She reaches out her arms and takes Harry. I can feel a million eyes on me and Jake, watching this drama unfold like the next episode of a much loved sitcom.

Seth, who has been standing behind mom, reaches out and gives me a hug. As he pulls away he whispers in my ear.

"He never stopped looking, not even when the rest of us did." He shoots me an apologetic glance. They all gave up. They all thought I was dead. _Some_ of them are smarter than others.

Sam is standing there looking guilty in the background. I walk over to him and reach out and hand.

"Don't blame yourself," I say, "I fooled everyone." I smiles a little but I can still see the guilt in his eyes. The pain of having almost allowed me to cause my own death.

There's a tap on my shoulder and I spin round, still attached to Jake.

It's Alice, she launches herself at me and wraps her arms around me.

"See," she says "I told you everything would work out eventually." I grin back and don't say anything. _Did anyone tell her what kind of state I was in before, about my suicide attempt?_ But I don't say anything, she's right, it all worked out in the end.

There's music coming from the reservation and I look properly and see a tall cloud of smoke billowing up from the trees. A bonfire, a celebration. Sam steps forward.

"A party. For you, for your family." My heart flutters. Do people really care this much about me? Or just Jake?

Jake begins to pull away from my embrace and I turn to face him, to ask what he's doing, but as I do so I look at him and he's already knelling down on the floor. My eyes open wide as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a box.

"Lee, I know that forever won't be perfect but let's do it together, make our own happiness."

It feels as if the world is fluttering around me, spinning in slow motion. I reach out my hand and pull him up, falling into him embrace in the same moment, careful not to squish Harry between us.

It feels so right to be happy. Even with the apprehension in my stomach and the knowledge that it's going to be a real struggle staying happy, not going back to my old ways. But life's best taking one step at a time, not looking to the future. Life's much easier to handle in small doses.

So I lean into Jake's warm hold and start walking slowly toward the fire. This could be the start of an all new, happy beginning, my bad luck finally broken.

But I know that's not how it works. My life won't suddenly be magical and happy-ever-after. That's just life, I've got to realise I'm not alone, that everyone get unhappy sometimes, and in future to try and remember to open up to other people when I'm in too deep. And then maybe I can be happy.

**A/N: And that's the end of the story. I tried to make it happy but realistic. I didn't want it to turn into one of those cheesy stories that just magic everything better; it will take Leah a long time to heal. **


	30. Lyrics

_**A/N: The Final Chapter: The Lyrics. **_**Have to abmit I was a little disapointed with the reviews (1) for the last EVER chapter, so if you liked it PLEASE review, it makes me very happy. Anyway, here are the lyrics, quotes, and artists for each chapter.  
**

**Lyrics.**

"She's all alone, feels like it's all coming down..." Stand In The Rain - Superchick

"It's not too late. It's never too late. Even if say, it'll be alright, still I here you say, you want to end your life." Never Too Late – Three Days Grace.

"You found me, when no one else was looking." You Found Me – Kelly Clarkson.

"You found me, you found me, lying on the floor." You Found Me - The Fray.

"Anything that you might do, I'm sticking with you." I'm Sticking With You – The Velvet Underground.

"So much for my happy ending..." Happy Ending – Avril Lavigne

"It's not meant to be like this, it's not what I planned at all." Hide & Seek – Imogen Heap.

"I'm a desperate cry for help. Run don't walk the sky is falling." Run, Don't Walk - Hey Monday.

"They suck your blood ...say shut up and quit your crying." So Nice So Smart - Kimya Dawson.

"She packs her bags and plans to run away. She's saying goodbye, and leaving tonight." Saying Goodnight – Sugarcult

"Goodbye to you, goodbye to everything I thought I knew." Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch.

"She walked away. Couldn't say why she was leaving." She Walked Away - BarlowGirl.

"I'm coming home, did you take off while I was gone." Homecoming - Hey Monday.

"If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by, cause you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight." I Would Walk A Thousand Miles - Vanessa Carlton.

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...I'm not half the man I used to be." Yesterday - The Beatles.

"Do you feel the weight of the world, sing in sorrow." Do You Feel - The Rocket Summer.

"You don't know me, and you don't even care." Boston - Augustana.

"You cry but you don't tell anyone...and you're tied together with a smile but you're coming undone." Tied Together With A Smile - Taylor Swift.

"Mother needs something today, to calm her down." Mother's Little Helper - The Rolling Stones.

"Why do we crucify ourselves?" Crucify - Tori Amos.

"All I got is this one note she left me." She Left Me – Go:Audio.

"Help, I have done it again...Hurt myself again today, and the worst part is there's no one else to blame." Breathe Me - Sia.

"And now you've gone away..." Another Now - Kate Alexa.

"Listen to your heart, when he's calling for you." Listen To Your Heart - DHT.

"What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away." What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts.

"I am slowly falling apart...you might think its easy being me." Stand Still Look Pretty - The Wreckers.

"Waiting for your call I'm sick, call I'm angry, call I'm desperate for your voice." Your Call - Secondhand Serenade.

"I'm in too deep and trying to keep up above in my head instead of going under." In Too Deep - Sum 41.

"Where are you, I'm so sorry." I Miss You - Blink 182.

"Everytime I see you in my dream, I see your face, its haunting me." Everytime - Britney Spears.

"Let it bleed." Let It Bleed - The Used.

"I'm not alright, I'm broken inside." I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real.

"Wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees." Superman - Five for Fighting.

"I sometimes wanna die." Sometimes Wanna Die - Joydrop.

"I find myself, wanting to die." Dear Angel - April Sixth.

"Your subtleties, they strangle me...maybe it's best you leave me alone...it ends tonight." It Ends Tonight - The All-American Rejects.

"How could this happen to me, I've made my mistake, got nowhere to run." Untitled (How Could This Happen To Me) - Simple Plan.

"I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale...now it's too late for you and your white horse." White Horses - Taylor Swift.

"I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life." How To Save A Life - The Fray.

"My heart's just about to break open...There's something you should know." Now You Know - Hilary Duff.

"I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away." Broken - Amy Lee.

"Let the rain fall down, I'm coming clean." Come Clean - Hilary Duff.

"I'll be there for you through it all, even if saving you sends me to heaven." Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus.

"Courage is when you're afraid but you keep on moving anyway." Courage Is... -The Strange Familiar.

"All I want is you, will you be my bride." All I Want Is You - Barry Louis Polisar.


	31. The Future

**A/N: I know I put complete after the last chapter but here an epilogue-ish one shot for the future...for "****LindseyRae****".**

_**To LindseyRae**_**: I wasn't sure exactly what you wanted so if you want something different leave details in a review. (Or you could try messaging me but I'm not sure if that works.)**

"**The future has arrived." The Future Has Arrived – The All American Rejects.**

**Leah POV**

Its Harry's first birthday today. Nearly two years since I left Jake, nearly two years since my first suicide attempt. When I look back now I can't believe it was only two years ago, one and three-quarters to be exact. It just feels like a different lifetime, an eternity ago. Almost unreal. Rachel has been so supportive, even long distance. Helping me out when I've been scared to turn to Jake. And Jake, he's helped me so, so much.

After I first got back some people were cruel to me, because of the way I left Jake, because of the pain I put _him_ through. And he supported me through it all. No matter what people said he always stuck by me, even on the occasions when he found me crying in the bathroom, tears coating my face and a razor blade in my hand. He supported me through it all, through everything. I don't know what I would have done without him and when I look back now I can't believe I left him in the first place, it was so stupid.

And now I'm happy. And now _we're _happy.

So why am I sitting once again on the bathroom floor holding a razor in my hand, clutching to it as if it holds all the answers to the universe. Tears running, once again, down my face. If it were possible I'm sure they would have worn groves in my face, permanent tear tracks. My hand hovers above my wrist. I know I shouldn't do it, I know it's wrong. And yet the temptation, the urge to hurt myself. It's over whelming. It's like the oxygen I need to breathe. I was so happy. What am I doing sitting here? Why am I here?

Because of all the judgemental people out there, waiting for me to slip up. Everybody's here, expecting some sort of magical, wonderful birthday and I'm terrified I won't cope, terrified what they'll think of me. Terrified I'll let everyone down. I can see them, all standing there, judging me. Waiting for me to slip up. I can see it in their faces, the way they look down their noses at me. And not just because Harry was born out of wedlock on another reservation. The urge to harm is overwhelming.

_Do it, gently. It will heal in a few seconds, no one will know. _I will know, Jake will know. Jake knows everything. He has some sort of sixth sense. I grip it tightly in my hand, almost preparing to cut that thin line down my arm that I need so much. My hand shaking, adrenaline pounding through my veins.

There a knock at the door.

"Lee?" It's Jake. "Lee, please, open the door."

I freeze. Does he know what I was about to do? Or is he just checking up on me. No, Leah. Lose the paranoia. It's not doing anybody any favours. I quickly hide the razor, even though I know he'll see it in my eyes. He can always tell. Even when I pretend everything's fine. Oh, how much I hate that word. _Fine._ I'm fine, you're fine. I hate that word. No one ever means it.

I reach up and unlock the door, shifting slightly from my position on the floor so Jake can get in. He walks in silently and locks the door behind him before sitting down on the floor beside me. He rests up against me and reaches across, rubbing my arm soothingly, the way a mother would comfort a distressed child.

"Lee, you can't do this anymore." He says.

I look down at the floor. He saw through me so easily. How does he do it?

"You're my wife," he says, "I need you there by my side. I need _you._" I look up at him and see the love and warmth in his eyes. He leans over and wraps his arms around me. The warmth from his body seeps though my clothing and if possible heats up my cold painful heart and broken soul.

"Now come on, up off of this floor." He pulls me up and unlocks the door.

Jake reassuring words have calmed and the temptation to hurt myself has disappeared almost completely. Already there's the embarrassment and shame of having come so close, of having been so tempted. Weakness. Something I try so hard not to show.

I sigh to myself and wrap my arm around Jake's waist and allow him to lead me out of the bathroom and into the crowd of happy smiley people...


End file.
